I did not say THE HELL WITH THIS LIFE and up and join an Amish community on our sojourn to Middle-of-Nowhere-North-Central-Minnesota (although it would be fun to drive around one of those little carriages). Close! But, no. No. That would have been much more pleasant than coming home to a craptastic townhome operating on 25% power. (25%= The 5 most useless, inconveniently located outlets work and that’s about it.) In other statistical news, there has been an 87.9% increase of the usage of the Eff word, due mostly to the fact that it just flies out of our mouths when we try to flip a light switch which we can’t seem to stop doing even though we know there is NO HOPE OF ELECTRICITY BEING PRODUCED BY THIS FUTILE ACT. There is also a 150 % increase in potentially life threatening baby-proofing dangers since we have to run all our lights off extension cords. There has been a 78% increase of Time-outs due to said lamps that little chubby fingers just can’t seem to leave alone because, Look! A lamp on the floor! I must dump water from the sink on top of it so I can enjoy the sizzle and POP it makes or at the very least lick my fingers and play with the extension cords! I am a toddler! Try to stop me! Aw, crap. Back in the naughty spot.
Last night we received word that the break in our line lies firmly planted below our driveway or garage apron so it will be fixed approximately WE DON’T KNOW WHEN BECAUSE WE DON’T COMMIT TO TIME FRAMES THAT WE MAY BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR SO GO AHEAD AND EFF YOURSELF, SUCKERS, (and also, Maybe Friday but you didn’t hear that from me, you may leave the agreed upon bribe money at the corner of 3rd and Main.). So we woke up this morning to downpouring rain and an indoor temperature that was most definitely in the high eighties but probably closer to the low 90′s. Oh the beauty of no freakin’ cross-breeze. So I’ve packed up the kids and headed to the salvation of Grammy’s house where they can eat Cheetos and watch every Disney movie that was released on VHS during the 1990′s.
Our AWESOME association could have had this on the road to FIXED TOWN but they wouldn’t pay the weekend charges which they are obliged to do if it is an inhabited residence so they got yelled at a lot, by Bill of course because I have a little problem controlling the FUCKENHEIMERS and the THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT WAHHHHHHH’s in these sorts of situations. They did agree to give us a $300 allowance for a hotel stay while the work is being completed which I may take them up on just because I want them to pay out.
In the mean time I have limited access to the Interwebs so I will update as often as I can but probably won’t be able to share the awesome shenanigans of Cabin Vacation Oh Niner until I have my sweet sweet wireless back. I will have my pictures imported to my moms iphoto but I don’t know how to shrink them without photoshop (which she doesn’t have) because I am a little bit technologically-delayed in that department. But! I promise not to disappoint! I have peanuts-on-spoon races, bear vs.wolf t-shirts, mini-tractor shots, three year olds attacked by chiggers, punching Twister!, and our favorite and best Deputy Chief Fire Idiot winning the midnight kayak/obstacle course and also making a lot of strange faces. In the mean time think electricitous thoughts for us!
Holy jeez! I will celebrate the grape tonight and offer up a toast in your honor (translated : Drink a buncha wine and think of you!). Hang in there.