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Archive for May, 2010

if I’ve told her once,

i’ve told her a thousand times

please, child

just quit.

quit growing.

the 3t dresses are finally falling

above her knees,

her name, by her own hand,

is (mostly) legible

she no longer climbs in my lap,

preferring to sit beside me.

in typical Rowan fashion

she is doing her own thing

and ignoring my request.

she is growing

bigger, yes,

but mostly

brighter.

and she won’t slow down.

not for me,

not for anybody.

as it should be, i guess.

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You guys. Poor Luna Mae is sick.

Exhibit A in Pathetic Puppiness.

And by sick I mean she has a bum back paw, but here at Hey This Will Amuse The Kids While Bill's Working Late Manor, we take every precaution to ensure the health of our precious bark factory.

YOU WANT TO PUT THAT WHERE? No way, Lady. I do a lot of things for left-over salami but I ain't that desperate. With very little effort I can just pluck it out of the hands of that small crazy one who shouts all the time.

Oh fine. But when you're done could you fluff my pillow and adjust my blanket?*

Bill noticed her limping yesterday afternoon but didn’t inform me of this until after I dragged her out on a 3 mile long walk and between Rowan shouting Tree! Leaf! Bug! Other bug! OMFG LOOK AT ALL THE BUGS! and Keaton’s temper tantrum over what a cruel and unusual punishment holding hands while crossing the street is, I barely had time to slow down so Luna could pee let alone pay attention to her gait.

This morning when I got up to go for my joggerwalky (am back in the saddle! bet you can’t wait until I report my next injury!) Luna hobbled off her pillow, doing a three-legged walk/hop gimp combo, putting no weight whatsoever on her back right paw. We looked it over and though she doesn’t have a visible injury, one of the pads looks mighty swollen so no joggerwalkying for her for a while. I feel so bad for her but on the plus side I was able to complete my run in record time without the 800 pounds of dog crap weighing me down. Still though. It was lonely out there without her.

And in case you were wondering…

She is NOT receiving visitors at the moment. Fawksey found this out the hard way. Instead maybe just send gin and limes. I'll make sure she gets them.

* Wow. I just totally spent time wrapping salami around a toy thermometer so I could take a picture of my dog. I’m going to do some heavy meditation over this but I think I’ll come up with the same conclusion I’ve already drawn: A life? I NEED ONE.

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Things have turned out to be just as busy this week, as it is the actual last week of classes for Rowan’s preschool and we have gifts to make and cards to write for her teachers and classmates and parties to get stuff for and attend.  It also turns out all the MOUNTAINS of paperwork and part of tuition is due for next year’s activities like Keaton’s nursery school, Sunday school and Kindergarten. I’ve had no less than 2 months to get all this stuff in order and I’m normally not a procrastinator with this sort of thing but  I swear someone stole May and I want to know where they’re hiding it because it’s already nearly Memorial Day weekend and feel like I’ve accomplished NOTHING except running around like an idiot and maybe drinking a few gin and tonics.

All this to say that yes, I’m sorry, you’re getting another shameless picture post. It’s really for the best this time because I’ve been filling out so many forms that I’ll probably just start automatically typing out the kids’ social security numbers, their immunization history or whether there is a family history of mental illness (YES! And even if their wasn’t before there surely is after having to fill out all this crap.)

Here’s what we’ve been up to since the warm weather has hit full swing…

The kids remain rapt by the bubble maker machine. This new generation of preschoolers is so damn lazy they ask for their chairs to be pulled out and the bubbles to be pointed directly at them. Lazy asses.

Rowan, sporting Claire from Lost's crazy-person wig, took to practicing for her college years.

Rowan's preschool hatched baby ducks this spring and each family got a chance to turn the eggs in the incubator and then come feed the ducks once they'd hatched. The ducklings were rightly suspicious.

Keaton was rapt, screeching "HELLO BABY DUCKIES!" which miraculously did not give any of them a heart attack.

Last weekend this young lady turned 12. TWELVE. You have no idea how old this makes me feel. Just imagine how her poor parents feel! (I'm guessing OLD.)

Keaton was given his own mini-pop as a treat. I'm pretty sure he can die happy now.

You guys, I don't even know. Who uses a giant stick to grill hamburgers? The DCFI, that's who.

Oh yes there WERE waterbaloons at this party. How else is our family supposed to release our aggression on one another? Bean bags? Tried it. Somebody lost an eye. (True story!) So water balloons it is.

Can you all see what is going on here? The DCFI is trying to talk my sweet, innocent, 2 year old son into whipping a water balloon at his own mother. THE NERVE. And also? Keaton can't aim for shit, so HA!

Luckily for me things degraded quickly, and Maddy in all her teenage bravado became the clear target of a cooler full of water and ice.

The kids had thier first experiece on a slip and slide, which was hilarious. And in case you're wondering Keaton did NOT thank his father for launching him down the mat.

And of course our sensory sensitive little miss surprised no one when she took a slow careful stroll down the slip and slide and daintally sat down in the little pool at the end, taking a sip from the spraying stream of water that came from a spout.

With all the things we crammed into lsat week, we managed so much fun that it hardly mattered how nuts things were. Hope everyone is enjoying the summery temps as much as we are!

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Things have turned out to be just as busy this week, as it is the actual last week of classes for Rowan’s preschool and we have gifts to make and cards to write for her teachers and classmates and parties to get stuff for and attend.  It also turns out all the MOUNTAINS of paperwork and part of tuition is due for next year’s activities like Keaton’s nursery school, Sunday school and Kindergarten. I’ve had no less than 2 months to get all this stuff in order and I’m normally not a procrastinator with this sort of thing but  I swear someone stole May and I want to know where they’re hiding it because it’s already nearly Memorial Day weekend and feel like I’ve accomplished NOTHING except running around like an idiot and maybe drinking a few gin and tonics.

All this to say that yes, I’m sorry, you’re getting another shameless picture post. It’s really for the best this time because I’ve been filling out so many forms that I’ll probably just start automatically typing out the kids’ social security numbers, their immunization history or whether there is a family history of mental illness (YES! And even if their wasn’t before there surely is after having to fill out all this crap.)

Here’s what we’ve been up to since the warm weather has hit full swing…

The kids remain rapt by the bubble maker machine. This new generation of preschoolers is so damn coddled they ask for their chairs to be pulled out and the bubbles to be pointed directly at them. Lazy asses.

Rowan, sporting Claire from Lost's crazy-person wig, took to practicing diligently for her college years.

Rowan's preschool hatched baby ducks this spring and each family got a chance to turn the eggs in the incubator and then come feed the ducks once they'd hatched. The ducklings were rightly suspicious.

Keaton was rapt, screeching "HELLO BABY DUCKIES!" which miraculously did not give any of them a heart attack.

Last weekend my niece Jorie turned 12. TWELVE. You have no idea how old this makes me feel. Just imagine how her poor parents feel! (I'm guessing even OLDER.)

At the party Keaton was given his own mini pop as a treat. I'm pretty sure he can die happy now. He held it so tight, afraid we would have a change of heart and take it from him.

You guys, I don't even know. Who uses a giant stick to grill hamburgers? The DCFI, that's who.

Oh yes there WERE water balloons at this party. How else is our family supposed to release our aggression on one another? Whipped cream? Tried it. Somebody lost an eye. (True story!) So water balloons it is.

Can you all see what is going on here? The DCFI is trying to talk my sweet, innocent, 2 year old son into whipping a water balloon at his own mother. THE NERVE. And also? Keaton can't aim for shit, so THERE!

Luckily for me things degraded quickly, and Maddy in all her teenage bravado, became the clear target of a cooler full of water and ice.

The kids had their first experience on a slip and slide, which was hilarious. And in case you're wondering Keaton did NOT thank his father for launching him down the mat.

And of course our sensory sensitive little miss surprised no one when she took a slow careful stroll down the slip and slide and daintily sat down in the little pool at the end, taking a sip from the spraying stream of water that came from a spout.

With all the things we crammed into last week, we managed to fit in so much fun that it hardly mattered how nuts things were. Hope everyone is enjoying the summer temps as much as we are!

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I know you have all been waiting with bated breath to hear my thoughts regarding the conclusion to Lost. What was that? Oh shut your face, you totally care.

So yeah, don’t read this and blah blah whatey-nots if you have not yet watched the Lost finale. If you have not yet watched the series then what can I say but, YOU ARE DEAD TO ME- HEY! Like some other people we know!

******

As in, ALL OF THEM. They are all dead. And I am OK with this because I like finality and there really isn’t anything more final than the cast walking into the bright lights of the Great Beyond. Were we left with a heaping pile of unanswered questions? Well, duh. It’s Lost. But there is a comfort level about how many, or more specifically, which ones were left unanswered. The show had a big cast and different people latched on to different characters so I feel like if you didn’t latch on to one of the main leads, Jack in particular, the ending might have fallen a little flat for you. What I feel like we learned was that this story overall was essentially Jack’s journey. His plight and ultimate redemption. We were given the lives and stories of many others but in the end it was Jack’s arc that everything hinged on. I’m personally OK with this, but I can totally see how other people wouldn’t be.

I will say that just like all the previous 120+ episodes, I looked at Bill when it was over and said “What the Hell?” I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to do that at the end of the finale but…I guess the show is nothing if not consistent. The main reason for my What The Hellinous was that time and time again the producers maintained that even though the show was heavy on plot and of course the setting of the Island was integral, it was at its heart a character driven show. The relationships of these castaways and others who wound themselves into their lives was ultimately what we cared about in the end. And I truly believe that to be the case, only I feel like over the six years we were engaged in Lost, the Island in itself became a character and I’m not sure they did it justice in the end.

Yes the immediate danger of the Man In Black was eliminated (I AM disappointed they didn’t reveal his name, but conceed that it’s a small, petty gripe in the big picture) and the Island was all set to be protected by Hurley for however long after but…I don’t know. The explanation of the Magical Cave of Light was vague at best and I guess I would have liked the Island’s purpose spelled out as clearly as the rest of the characters, that is to say, one or two steps above vague. Does that make sense? No? In that case I should totally be an honorary Lost writer!

The fact of the matter is that I could sit down and pen a list of probably hundreds of questions that went unanswered. I think some of them could be legitimately argued as missteps by the writers, but most would fall under the categories of Does It Really Matter?, Nitpicking Asshole!, or We Abandoned This Story Line, Get Over It. Perhaps once the high emotion that the finale brought on settles a bit I’ll be more apt to let the Island mysterious go, but for now I’m a little indignant about the whole thing.

Beyond that though, I thought they did a beautiful job. The revelation that the sideways world was really the creation of the castaways as a way to find each other and move on to the next…whatever…was breathtakingly awesome. And it made the awakenings of each castaway go from maybe a little cheesey to completely moving. The fact that they had to put together the pieces of their own lives and accept their deaths in the end, in order to move forward, was beyond compelling to me.

And because you obviously care if you’re still reading (hello…?), here is my summation of what happened to the main characters, or at least the characters I give a shit about:

Jack: We know this one. And it was done ridiculously, beautifully well so I have nothing to add.

Kate: She got off the Island and went on to become Auntie Kate to Aaron and in all truthfulness probably led a series of different men on for the rest of her life because none of them could live up to the martyred good doctor.

Claire: Went home, had an emotional reunion with her son and mother, got a fucking haircut. THE END.

James Ford: Got off the Island and made this movie. When it flopped he went on to become a highly paid partner and advisor at a security company, playing by his own rules in true Sawyer fashion. Meets his daughter and becomes a good father over time. Dies peacefully at an old age, in his own bed, while reading a good book.

Locke: I’m honestly at a loss for this one. When he was murdered, after very nearly doing the job himself, I was pissed. I wanted so badly for this man to be able to live out his dream of being the Island’s caretaker. By the end of season 4 I truly felt that was his purpose. Things got so muddled for me with the weaving of the Man In Black in his body storyline though, that I have trouble finding my feelings regarding him. I will say that I loved his awakening, or more specifically his chat with Ben outside the church, and loved to see that genuine John Locke smile again after so many of the sinister Imma-gonna-kill-you Smokey smiles.

Sayid: Redemption Zombie. Fate known. But the finale did leave us with the assumption that Sayid’s few weeks long (or less! Can’t remember! Island time is confusing!) love affair with Shannon on the Island was more meaningful than his lifelong quest for the love of Nadia. I don’t know how I feel about that one. I kinda feel like they screwed Sayid.

Sun and Jin: Redemption Love. Fate known.

Ji Yeon: Is contacted by surviving survivors and given the true, powerful tale of her parents’ love for one another and for her. Goes through a brief Ben Linus “What about me?!” stage in her early teens but gets over it when Hurley invites her to the Island for some good old fashion enlightenment. Totally marries Aaron.

Aaron: Totally marries Ji Yeon. What?! This is my post and I’ll write what I want to.

Juliet: Worked diligently as a guardian angel to her sister and nephew, keeping them safe through the use of her fabulous death stare, until being awoken by Sawyer.

Hurley: New Jacob. I actually called this a few weeks back but last week’s episode threw me off, so I was happy when it turned out to be the case. Hurley as the Island’s spiritual guide gives me hope that through his big (figuratively and literally) caring heart, the Island became a place of peace and genuine goodness. I also think his means of finding a replacement will be more humane than crashing a giant airliner violently into the Island.

Micheal: Bound to the Island as a Whisperer for…eternity? When he was blown up on the freighter he was told by Christian Shepard that “He could go now”. I originally took that to mean he was finally absolved for what he did to Ana Lucia and Libby but I guess in the end it was Smokey as Christian, not Jacob that finally allowed him to die, not giving him redemption at all but sentencing him to Island Purgatory Psst-iness.

Walt: Listen. I get that the kid hit his growth spurt and couldn’t be a main stay of the show anymore but I think they could have handled his storyline tie-ups better. They set him up to be this ridiculously special, unique kid, one who would seem to fit in nicely with the Smokey story line but instead they gave the excuse of “The kid’s been through enough” crap. I call lamesauce on that one.

Desmond: Uh. Did he get stuck back on the Island with Hurley and Ben? They heaved him up but he didn’t make it to the plane. Do we assume he made it back to Penny and little Charlie at some point and went on to make 3,000 more adorable children with her, then living to 123 years old? Or do you think he remained on the Island, eventually dying there. I’m going to go with Option A since Hurley’s in charge now.

Miles: Uses diamonds he stole from Nikki and Paolo’s grave to start the security company in which Sawyer is partner and adviser. Keeps seedy secret room behind a bookcase in his office to do his communing with the dead thing on the side.

Faraday: I don’t get it. What am I missing? They made him part of the end at the concert but then totally left him out, other than Desmond mentioning to Hawking that he would not be joining them in their journey On. Faraday wasn’t an original castaway and doesn’t have a significant tie other than Desmond being his Constant, so does he go to a different magical church along with Widmore, Eloise Hawking and Charlotte in time? Is he waiting for them to have their own awakenings so he can move On?

Hawking: She seemed enlightened enough…why doesn’t she move on? Does she still serve a purpose to the Island? After all the shitty things she did why wasn’t she bound to the Island as a Whisperer?

Lapidus: Made it home. Learned how to button his damn shirt.

Ana Lucia: I don’t know about you but I totally bought it when Hurley said “Oh, she’s not ready yet” during last week’s episode. She is one tough cookie and think Rapture is a ways off for her.

Richard: Lives out a happy, unassuming existence on earth and then Moves On with Isabella. His ending on the show felt rushed. They gave us the beautiful Ab Aeterno episode where we get Richard’s life story and by the end of the episode our normally cool-headed mystic guide, feels his mission is to blow up the plane or some other rash action to stop Smokey from leaving. This is very UnRichard. Then in the finale he’s all “Oh, nevermind. I guess I feel like living all of a sudden” and is easily swayed with barely a reason from Operation: Blow That Plane the Fuck Up to Operation: Get the Fuck On That Plane. I really liked Richard, and felt his piece in the finale was disappointing.

Ben: What can I say? Ben is, without a doubt, my favorite character on Lost. Draw whatever conclusions about me from that statement that you will, but it’s the truth. I loved that he went on to be number two. The more things change, the more things stay the same. Only it’s made pretty clear that Hurley’s Ben is a humble, entirely different man from Jacob’s Ben. I’d like to think he didn’t lose his shrewd, uncanny knack for finding a way to get what the Island wants or needs, but I think we see that he’s taken into account what he learned. He has Hurley as a boss now and Ben is nothing if not a chameleon, taking on the ways of whoever is going to get him what he wants. So I think Hugo’s inherent goodness bodes well for Ben. Why didn’t he go in the church? Was he waiting for Alex? Has he not atoned for all his sins (and those are some MIGHTY big sins he has on his soul)? I don’t know. And honestly I’m OK with not knowing.

I hope everyone who was invested in this world was able to get most of what they wanted from the conclusion of the show. I have never cared so deeply about a fake reality in all my life and I don’t regret that statement for a minute. This was a beautiful story about flaws, love, sacrifice and redemption and I feel so lucky to have been taken on the ride. Someone thought this concept up, and they shared it and it grew and grew until it was played out for all of us to watch and feel the connection, to feel the ties between one human to the next. It is art, and it is human and I loved it.

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When I pulled her out of the car, carefully weaving her arms out of the car seat harness, her head bobbed once, twice and then rested on my shoulder. The smell of her sprayed curls filled me up and I held her weight in my two hands as I walked up the stairs. She felt so light, like nothing was really there at all, but I held everything.

Everything was in my arms and I was so happy in that moment.

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I’m sorry, Internet, this has got to be quick- The week was as jam-packed as we thought it would be plus some and the weekend is shaping up the same way. Come Monday (well, probably Tuesday… I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a Lost hangover on Monday. You know! From all the Lost on Finale night! And the vodka. That might play a role.) Anyway, like I was saying, come Tuesday things are going to die down slightly, albeit briefly, in between the end of the school year and the beginning of My Super Kaduper Ridiculously Over-scheduled Summer. So stay tuned for more scintillatingly whiney posts about how I’ve gone and stuck my own damn finger in my own damn eye, so to speak.

Let’s just forget about all that for now though and concentrate on this little gal:

Yep...it's that time of year again. For my mother to ply me with Wizard of Oz and popcorn while she swears under her breath trying to get these damn things in my hair. (Do you see what I did there? My mom totally taught me the word 'damn'. I surely will be taking this shit up with my therapist later in life.)

Am movie star. Do you see me with my sunglasses, fuzzy pink slippers and that woman who waits on me hand and foot because I cannot POSSIBLY get my own drink with these curlers in my hair. So constricting.

Please. No more pictures. Am trying to focus on being fabulous.

This is...how do you say...BOY-OY-OYING!

Rowan's most favorite part of both her Tap and Jazz dances are the jumps. Girl can get air.

How ya like me now?! I bet you'd like me more if my mom had brought the correct camera lens and these pictures didn't look like a drunk person took them.

She did an awesome job at her dress rehearsal on Tuesday afternoon, which actually sort of surprised me. Dance has been a bit tough on all of us this year. The only class time that even remotely worked was a Monday 12:30 pm class, which is right after lunch and right before nap/rest time. I had to completely re-arrange our schedule on Mondays, which for regular kids might not seem like a big fat hairy deal, but when you have a transition-challenged preschooler, it IS a big fat hairy deal, let me tell you. Not to mention the class threw Keaton’s nap back an hour later than normal and YOU just try entertaining a cranky toddler in a dance studio week after week and subsequently having to fashion a poking stick so he didn’t fall asleep on the way home, without needing a half a bottle of wine that night to calm your nerves. Go ahead, try! I’ll wait.

To add to the frustration, Rowan gets tired after lunch so she just dragged butt in class, not at all the energetic, little tapper she was during the night classes last year. So even though she did great last year, I was really pretty worried she’d get out on stage and… I don’t know, pick her nose the whole time or maybe just lay down and watch all the other little suckers dance for their parents. Thankfully though, she marched out there and shook her little tail feathers to “Whistle While You Work” and “Walk the Dinosaur” with a huge smile on her face the whole time. I was so happy to see how much she was truly enjoying herself.

The big recital is tonight! Wish me luck! (Not that I will need it, of course...)

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