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Archive for July 12th, 2010

I’m serious. He’ll probably serve me divorce papers within 14 seconds of finding out and I know you don’t want to be the downfall of a mostly perfectly happy marital unit.

It was a moment of weakness, Internet! I had to go over our old vacation lists and make some new ones and the kids were not getting along and I needed something for them to do. Something they hadn’t done in a long time! Something bright and shiny and…

PURPLE.

When I made the seriously stupid mistake of purchasing this evil substance from the mouth of hell, (or Menards, whatever) I didn’t know how much of it I needed to fill the sand table so I got two tubs of it. We only used one last summer and believe me, that was enough. Bill threatened to throw the unopened one out any number of times but I told him that would be such a waste. We should give it away or try to sell it to some poor unsuspecting shmuck.

Spoiler: I am poor, unsuspecting shmuck. Seriously. Let me buy your magic beans.

Littlest petshops say: HALP! We are not sign up fer this!

I know I’m going to regret this but with all the expenses for vacation I really couldn’t see spending money on sand when we had a $17 tub in our garage. Who cares if it’s purple and was spun by the hands of Satan! IT’S FREE.

See! it toatlly worked, too! The little angels sidled right on up to it and played in peace...

…for 5 minutes. Then Keaton threw purple fucking sand in Rowan’s hair and then ran past me into the house, leaving a trail all over the carpet and into the bathroom and it’s in between all of our toes and now I’m going to divorce myself because WHO DOES THIS TO THEMSELVES TWO TIMES?

I don’t know if my carpet has it in itself to make it through this a second time. And what about my super handsome, very intelligent AMAZINGLY FORGIVING husband, who I love and adore and OH GOD DON’T MURDER ME, OK?

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I’m serious. He’ll probably serve me divorce papers within 14 seconds of finding out and I know you don’t want to be the downfall of a mostly perfectly happy marital unit.

It was a moment of weakness, Internet! I had to go over our old vacation lists and make some new ones and the kids were not getting along and I needed something for them to do. Something they hadn’t done in a long time! Something bright and shiny and…

PURPLE.

When I made the seriously stupid mistake of purchasing this evil substance from the mouth of hell, (or Menards, whatever) I didn’t know how much of it I needed to fill the sand table so I got two tubs of it. We only used one last summer and believe me, that was enough. Bill threatened to throw the unopened one out any number of times but I told him that would be such a waste. We should give it away or try to sell it to some poor unsuspecting shmuck.

Spoiler: I am poor, unsuspecting shmuck. Seriously. Let me buy your magic beans.

Littlest Petshops say: HALP! We are not sign up fer this! Evel 4 yer old bury us alives!

I know I’m going to regret this but with all the expenses for vacation I really couldn’t see spending money on sand when we had a $17 tub in our garage. Who cares if it’s purple and was spun by the hands of Satan! IT’S FREE.

See! It totally worked, too! The little angels sidled right on up to it and played in peace...

…for 5 minutes. Then Keaton threw purple fucking sand in Rowan’s hair and then ran past me into the house, leaving a trail all over the carpet and into the bathroom and it’s in between all of our toes and now I’m going to divorce myself because WHO DOES THIS TO THEMSELVES TWO TIMES?

I don’t know if my carpet has it in itself to make it through this a second time. And what about my super handsome, very intelligent AMAZINGLY FORGIVING husband, who I love and adore and OH GOD DON’T MURDER ME, OK?

Read Full Post »