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Archive for January, 2013

I have sat down to write this post eleventy times since Ezra turned the big Oh-Three last Saturday but I really feel like this is the one, Internet. This is the time I’m going to focus, write, edit and hit publish.

{Um. That wasn’t it. BUT THIS IS.}

{Or not.}

{Okay, for reals this time…}

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My baby? My awesome baby? Continues to be awesome. Except for the small matter of naps which is why it is so hard for me to sit down and write for an extended period. Gone {ALREADY WTF?} are the days of Ezra falling asleep while nursing so I can hunt and peck with one hand to cobble out a post. Now he eats a full meal very efficiently in about 15-20 minutes, barely giving me a chance to get through my e-mail. He’ll go down for three, sometimes four 30-45 minute naps per day which just isn’t enough time to focus so I can write a coherent, well, anything.

I don’t really like to complain about his sleep in general because the boy is still doing fairly awesome at night. Between 5am-7am we have to get up and nuk him a handful of times but he rarely gets so agitated that he needs to be rocked or fed anymore. And he’s happy when he’s up for the most part. Lots of smiles, content to be held and kissed and snuggled or happy to stretch out and kick on his playmat or in his crib. So yes, the nap thing blows, especially because I usually am holding him for the last 20 minutes he’s up and do you know how many random things I see that need to be done with two hands in those 20 minutes? SO MANY THINGS. So once he’s down I’ve catalogued a huge list of to-dos in my head that I set to right away but by the time I’m done I’ve eaten up most of his short nap so that when I settle down to the keyboard he already starts making noise and the cycle starts again. Okay maybe this does sound like complaining but no, really it’s just really how things are at this moment in his development but if babies have taught me anything it’s that by the time you get used to one pattern they up and decide to change things by way of growth spurt, new milestone or I don’t know, just to fuck with their parents, so all said, things are pretty great.

So to sum up the awesome:

* Smiley. So big and happy. Except {as demonstrated by these photos} for when I bring the camera out. Like most babies this age, Ezra loves faces, so I will grin at him, and he will grin right back and the second I lift the camera up he goes all “WHAT THE SHIT? Why you blocking my smiley face, woman?” giving an expression of disapproval or one of perpetual surprise. So you’ll just have to take my word for it on the smile thing, case in point…

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* Fairly easy to please. Meaning, when he’s upset or fussy, there’s usually a reason and a quick fix. Evenings tend to be a little more fussy for him because the lack of quality sleep throughout the day is catching up with him which leads us to the game of should we/shouldn’t we when it comes to an evening nap. Mostly we get through it because he loves hanging out with his daddy. I don’t know if it’s that he can smell his dinner so close by when I hold him or that he already has me pegged for the giant sucker that I am, but he is definitely more content with Bill from about 5-7:30pm every night.

* Having a daddy’s boy is new territory that Bill is eating up. I worked when Rowan was an infant and when we were home I did not share that baby so Bill didn’t get a whole lot of one-on-one time with her. And Keaton? Well, he sort of hated Bill until he was almost 2. And that was hard for all of us. So it’s a nice, very welcome change and it makes me so happy to see Ezra and his daddy just hanging. {Except for when Bill is throwing my tiny precious sack of hard-earned baby upupup into the air to play and I don’t care if that baby is smiling ear-to-ear, babies are dumb and don’t know DANGER DANGER!!!}

*Gurgles and coos. Breaking the legal limit for cuteness daily. The conversations I have with this child may have no literal meaning but they are the most fulfilling interactions I have each day. Who knew that “cccccccuuurrrrrrrgggggguuuuugggglllllee” back and forth for 10 minutes could make one so insanely proud and happy?

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*As mentioned above, eating is going well. He is pretty consistent in needing 5 feedings, spaced roughly 3 hours apart during the day and none at night. The resulting spit-up is still not great, sometimes I feel like he throws up his whole meal within a half-hour of eating it and sometimes he barely spits up anything. He has not had many bottles of pumped milk this month, only 2 or 3. I had so much stock-piled milk at this point with both Rowan and Keaton but things regulated relatively quickly this time so I just don’t have the supply for extra pumping. When he does have a bottle, he eats about 7 oz {BIG FAT BABY} and still has had no issue with taking a bottle other than it’s not big or fast enough for his liking. The days {and nights} of grunting are long over which brings us too…

* POOP {What? You can’t write about a baby and not mention their wee little precious shits.} Ezra went from straining to get out one extremely hard-won poop a day, to pooping at literally every single feeding this month. We were so happy and relieved when he started going more because we were so sick of a constantly grunting baby but when he starting pooping 7 times a day we were sort of over it, like, seriously baby? We see that you can do it, now you’re just showing off. We are still solely cloth diapering with prefolds and covers, breaking out the disposables only for babysitters or during laundry emergencies {“emergencies” translating to “oh shit, did you run the diapers on hot again because I totally forgot”}. After outgrowing the newborn prefolds we only bought 2 dozen of the next size up, meaning we’ve had to do laundry every other day which BLERRRG NO THANK YOU. I’m getting excited to break out Keaton’s old pocket diapers, they’re definitely easier to deal with and we have a TON of them.

And now for the not-so-awesome:

*Cradle cap. OH MY GOD. It’s icky and awful and scaley and it will not go away. Granted I haven’t really taken any aggressive action against it because Dr. Google tells me one thing really works and then half of the internet shows up commenting that “no! that way sucks do it this way!” and then the other half says “no! THAT is terrible, do it like this” and then I get paralyzed with the fear that I’ll screw up his skin and give him baby leprosy or some shit so I’ve stuck to the pediatricians original advise which is to wash his hair daily, brush the affected area several times a day with a soft baby brush and apply neosporin and vaseline when and where I can. It has tamed a bit, but the angry red patches left after the scales come off give me the sads. It just looks painful, but Ezra seems happy enough so eh, I know he’ll outgrow it.

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*Naps aside, the main frustration we have is schedules, not the baby’s but everyone else’s; we’re slowly inching closer to having a regular schedule if life would stop getting in the way. Ezra’s natural rhythm would be to sleep from 8:30pm to between 5 and 6am, eat then go back to bed until 9-9:30am. This is a PHENOMENAL schedule! The majority of parents would KILL for it… unfortunately, it just doesn’t jive with our morning routine that great because on Mon and Tues I have to get Rowan out to the bus stop right when he’d be waking up and this baby? Wakes up hungry. MAD hungry. When he wakes up with an empty tummy is actually the only time he full on cries. For now this is what’s working:

5-7am: We’re doing the aforementioned nukking when he starts waking up. This pacifies him until…

7am: Wake-up, change, feed.

7:30am: Playtime

8:15: Starts to get tired. I carry him around until…

A) 9:10 after Rowan gets on the bus {Mon and Tues} or

B) 8:35 when we have to take Keaton to preschool. {W,Th,F}

10-10:20: wake-up and eat.

10:30-10:45: Playtime

And here is where things get tricky due to different daily schedules for preschool, school, dance and shitty naps. Typically every night he’s ready for a last meal and lights out between 7:30 and 8:30pm. We’re constantly tweaking things but it’s hard when the reality is that life with three kids has too many variables to have any sort of set-in-stone schedule. It just sort of sucks because on the days we can keep him to a schedule he seems a hellava lot happier and so do I.

Ezra, this month you showed us so many awesome new things. Maybe it’s because it’s been so long since we’ve had a baby but when you do something new it seriously feels like you are the first baby ever in the history of babies to be so amazing, even though I myself have produced two similarly amazing genius babies. When you gurgle out a new octave of cooing I get lost in the cadence of your sweet voice. And my favorite is when you wave your chubby hands around, grasping at air and then surprise! you’ve grabbed onto my necklace, the confused but delighted look on your face is priceless, like you’ve been out fishing but never really expected to catch anything. You are so communicative {read: LOUD} just like your brother and sister, who I’m pleased to report still love you very much, even when mama says “I’m sorry, I can’t, I’m with the baby” for the one-thousandth time. None of us can get enough of you.

In the morning when I nurse you it is still dark outside. We sit in the rocking chair and I pull up the shade and peek through the side of the curtain to watch the neighborhood go from black to deep blue to pink to light. Your dad is in the shower and your rowdy siblings have yet to wake and fill the house up with their giggles. I watch as you eat, you lift your hand up and rub your own head in a soothing circular motion, a mannerism all your own, or maybe, possibly, inherited from your dad. In the quiet it is just you and it is just me and the peace I feel both humbles me and swells me with pride. It is our time and I love it almost as much as I love you.

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The bestest, most smartest, handsomest, funniest, all-around-great-guy Baby named Ezra.

It's true. I'm pretty amazing.

It’s true. I’m pretty amazing. Also: MY EYELASHES. They will take over the world one day.

What did my genius of a baby do to deserve the highest honor of Best Baby, Like, Ever? He slept through the night two nights in a row, people. And not some lame ass sleep like midnight to 5:30 because you assholes out there claiming that is sleeping through the night are NOT FOOLING ANYONE with that shit HoooooooNoooooo. My advanced super-smart-genius-baby slept from 8:30 PM-at-night-o’clock to 7 AM-in-the-morning-o’clock.

Whoooaaaaa...

Whoooaaaaa…

We’ve been rocking a pretty good night routine all month. At the end of December Ezra was going down around 9pm, and eating at around midnight and 4am, with a wake-up time around 7:30ish. Then by the end of the first week in January he started sleeping through the midnight feeding so we just went with it and he was getting up anywhere between 3:30 and 4:30 to eat, once in a while he’d make it to 5 but that just messed up our morning routine because the 8 o’clock hour is go-time for the other two so I really had to try to get him up at four or wait until seven otherwise the mornings would be a nightmare. We figured we were in for at least another 2-3 months of night feedings and we still might be, but considering I haven’t slept soundly through the night since before I got pregnant? Two nights of uninterrupted sleep is HUGE and I will take it, thankyouverymuch.

That IS amazeballs. I AM AMAZEBALLS!

That IS amazeballs. I AM AMAZEBALLS!

Even if it is short-lived, he timed this perfect as I was smote with an icky cold that knocked me down for a few days, so good baby is good. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to start researching Ivy league schools for my clearly advanced infant, or, I don’t know, college is sort of expensive and not really necessary when you’re already the smartest so maybe I’ll just go ahead and have him apply for that Rocket Science internship I’ve had my eye on.

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So, yeah. Things look a little different around here. Yesterday I got a bee in my bonnet, deciding I needed to change the header to include Ezra. The thing is, because there is always a thing, Bill designed and built my blog back in 2010 having very little knowledge about blog coding and while he did a fabulous job, it was time-consuming and a giant pain in the ass. At the time it was worth it because I was blogging very regularly and had hopes in the future of putting work into promoting it and making it a bigger, maybe even income-generating thing.

After a little time and soul-searching, I decided that what I really wanted for the foreseeable future was a home to keep our family’s memories, nothing more. Not that you can tell from the posts I put up here but I’m actually somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to my writing so when I thought about being read on a wider scale I knew I would drive myself crazy during the editing process, because time? We just don’t have it at this point in our lives. Life morphs, evolves, in the nearly seven and a half years of being a parent, the shape of our family along with its dynamic has changed so many times. One day I might get to a place where I want to do more with this space but for now I scramble to document the big events and much of the minutiae of every day life is lost to these pages now.

At the point we’re at now, I just wanted to strip down what I had by choosing a basic wordpress theme, throw up a picture of the kids as the header and call it a day. Only neither of us could figure out how to add a picture to the header which seems like it should be the easiest thing in the world and it probably is but when you have two sleep-deprived parents of three small children, well, basically we’re idiots. So after playing around with themes and trying to get the fuuuuuureaking header image up, we broke the Internet and my blog {temporarily, obvs.} then gave up and went to bed because our brain cells were starting to jump ship out our earholes. Being a lazy asshole, I’m just leaving it bare-bones for now, but if we can’t figure out how to fix it, I’ll probably end up putting the old site back up until we figure it out, so bear with me as my super kaduper life is going to be a bit bi-polar for a while. UPDATED: Bill figured out the header! Yay Bill! {I’d say I’m sorry for publicly shaming you, but you know, shame gets shit DONE.}

Now! To distract you from these boring surroundings, I will share with you my very favorite Christmas gift. Rowan was very secretive about the gift she had made in school but she was super excited, downright giddy, to give it to us. The little stinker even sneaked out in the wee hours of Christmas morning and put it under the tree for us, right next to her own presents which I’m sure she thoroughly {illegally!} inspected. Truth is I sort of cheated because the evening after the last day of school I was going through her bag and in it was a rough draft of her present. I didn’t realize what it was at first, it was just a little stapled book, but I’m so glad I was able to read it first out of her presence because tears were just streaming down my face I was laughing so hard which probably would have insulted her had she witnessed it. Thankfully, I was much more composed on Christmas morning.

Here is her book. The harrowing story of her mother. A mother who, against all odds, takes naps, goes shopping and drinks…

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I can’t decide if my favorite part is when I ditch everyone to take a nap or when I take my small child out on a shopping trip where I start drinking. A few people who read it tried to make me feel better by saying maybe I was just being mean and not letting her get a drink, that it didn’t necessarily mean it was alcoholic. So I asked Rowan why I wouldn’t let her have a drink in her story and she replied, “I can’t have those kinds of drinks mommy. They have booze in them.” You guys, I don’t even know what her teacher must think but for now I don’t care because despite the storyline, this was by far the best present I have ever received.

Also, just so we’re all up to speed, on the flip side was Bill’s story, in which he gave hugs, cooked her dinner and went to work like a responsible parent.

Now, Internet, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go make a martini, do some shopping and take a nap.

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Our Christmas and winter break was absolutely lovely this year, the first in I don’t know how long where one or more of us wasn’t balled up on the couch with some nasty goo taking over the household. And I know I just said it out loud, ruining everything and ensuring the blight of some plague or another in approximately 1.3 days, but as long as we made it through the holidays and ALL of the MANY holiday things, I think I can handle it.

This year I was nervous about getting through so much with the baby but it actually worked out well. We skipped a few events we normally try to make, opting instead for peace and jammie time and even though it felt like cheating I’m so glad we did. The absolute best moments of break were when I realized it was 3 in the afternoon and my kids were happily sprawled out with their new toys, with unbrushed hair and sporting the pajamas they hadn’t been out of for 2 days. Our life is crazy. No really. The insane amount of time spend at school and the dance studio and in the car to get back and forth is mind-numbing. There is not one day a week where we’re not running like idiots so to be able to just do absolutely nothing felt like a gift.

Here is a picture re-cap because, you know, words are HARD sometimes:

I sifted through the advent calender activities, knowing that there was no way we'd be able to do them all. Obviously the cookies were non-negotiable.

I sifted through the advent calendar activities, knowing that there was no way we’d be able to do them all this year. Obviously the cookies were non-negotiable and it went very smooth~ these two have got sprinkles down to a very messy science.

We also couln't skip waiting 45 minutes in line to spend 30 seconds with Santa.

We also couldn’t skip waiting 45 minutes in line to spend 30 seconds with Santa.

I was pretty relived when we couln't find our elf when we took out the decoations, but lo, a week later we found him and so commenced the "oh shit" panic at 3 am when we realized we hadn't moved him.Their favorite day was when they caught Fred eating popcorn and watching Rudolph before school.

I was pretty relieved when we couldn’t find our elf when we took out the decorations, but lo, a week later we found him and so commenced the daily “oh shit” panic at 3 am when we realized we hadn’t moved him. Their favorite day by far was when they caught Fred eating popcorn and watching Rudolph before school.

Our little Angel and Shepard participating in our new church's pageant.

Our little Angel and Shepard participating in our new church’s pageant. It was fairly adorable.

On Christmas Eve morning we headed over to Bill's parents house.

On Christmas Eve morning we headed over to Bill’s parents house where Ezra was not in a photo-coopertive mood. It was here we learned the hard way…

That getting a photo of a family of five is a wee bit challenging. So awesome.

That getting a photo of a family of five is a wee bit challenging. Ahh, memories.

But it was finally accomplished after threats, bribes, 53 takes and some creative editing. Ahh, memories.

But it was finally accomplished after threats, bribes, 53 takes and some creative editing.

fgnh

After church we opted to come home, get in our Christmas jams, open a few presents…

After church we opted to come home, get in our christmas jams, open a few presents, and enjoy some fun snacks while watching The Grinch. It was such a relaxing night of just enjoying our little famil

And enjoy some fun snacks while watching The Grinch. It was such a relaxing night of just enjoying our little family~

ff

It was by far my favorite part of this holiday season.

Gratuitous Bow Baby.

Gratuitous Bow Baby.

Christmas morning was a also relaxed. The kids surprisingly slept in pretty late, then spent the morning playing with their spoils. You have no idea how many times in the weeks proceeding I wanted to break Ezra's playmat out for him, but it made it for Santa's delivery Christmas morning. You can see the baby is super excited by all his brightly covered crap.

Christmas morning was also relaxed. The kids surprisingly slept in pretty late, then spent the morning playing with their spoils. You have no idea how many times in the weeks preceding I wanted to break Ezra’s playmat out for him, but it made it for Santa’s delivery Christmas morning. You can see the baby is super excited by all his brightly covered crap.

Christmas day was spent at my mom's, opening presents, eating delicious food and treats, singing, dancing, drinking and playing with cousins. It was so much fun.

Christmas day was spent at my mom’s, opening presents, eating delicious food and treats, singing, dancing, drinking and playing with cousins. It was so much fun.

Even the babies got in on the action.

Even the babies got in on the action.

I’m sure we’ll be in for it next year when we have to navigate the holidays with a toddler but this year was almost criminally easy for having a small baby. This was mainly because we were smart enough to scale way back and just try to enjoy the new shape of our family. It was pretty great.

And now? We are enjoying a few weeks of quiet routine before kicking off the busy season in dance. Soon enough I will be covered head to toe in glue and sequins, thank sweet baby jesus I will be able to drink my way through much of the costume assembly this year. Unfortunately I won’t be able to drink when I am stuck backstage with many small, rambunctious boys as I somehow found my dumb ass volunteering to work backstage at comps and recitals for Keaton’s group. In my defense, I thought it would just be Keaton and the other little boy on the baby comp line but after talking with the other boys’ moms, it turns out it’s an all-hands-on-deck type of thing and there will be over 20 boy children in one small space whygodwhyamIsoepicallystupid. The good news is that dads can help too so I fully intend to throw Bill under the bus when the time comes.

So until that craziness ensues I am enjoying the hell out of my adorable little baby spawn, who is the sweetest, smiliest little thing ever. Also: Loves to sleep. HE IS MY FAVORITE AND MY BEST.

Ezra and puppy. Sacked. Out.

Ezra and puppy. Sacked. Out.

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Hello, Internet! Happy 2013! I have a holiday re-cap in the works but I know how much you like to see embarrassing pictures of my family so I just could NOT put you through the agony of waiting any longer. So!…

We were back at the Mallinger’s for their annual New Year’s Gala {this year it was a gala because three of us were in a dress, shut up, it works}. Bill and I really didn’t know how the night would go with the baby, and it was definitely a little different from our usual care-free night of debauchery, but it really went surprisingly well thanks to a very cooperative Ezra. After almost a year of a stone sober wife, it was Bill’s turn to stay sober {normally we spend the night but we weren’t THAT adventurous with a two month old} so I packed a ton of expressed milk for later, breastfed the baby at 9 o’clock, pumped and was ready to join in the fun {read: drinking} by 10pm. I had a few drinks and champagne at midnight and around 1am, knowing Ezra would be due to wake up soon, Bill asked me where the bottle was. Uh. Yeah. So I had packed approximately one thousandy ounces of breastmilk but nothing to actually get that milk into the baby. SHIT. {And this is why exhausted parents of very small babies cannot be trusted}. Thankfully Ezra slept peacefully through the transfer to his car seat and the ride home, so it was really a non-issue in the end, but ugh. Christy – sleep + packing = DUMBASS.

Anyway! Sometimes we do a theme for these nights, sometimes we don’t. This year Bill’s brother bought Ezra a tiny tuxedo onesie for Christmas so when my sister asked if we wanted to do a theme I told her Ezra would be dressing up for the occasion so maybe we should too. Everyone was on board! We thought it would be fun to hit up Goodwill/Savers for terrible promwear and Jen and Jay came across some great finds but Bill was looking for a bow-tie get-up which we had no luck with. I really didn’t want to go out and spend money on a dress, even a goodwill one, so I was planning to just wear my bridesmaid’s dress from Snoreface’s wedding but then I had an even better idea! What if I didn’t have to wear a dress at all! All I had to do was talk Bill into a dress… It was a super tough sell that went something like this:

Me: I know! YOU should wear the dress.

Bill: DONE.

And so commenced Fancy New Year’s!

The Fancy baby that started it all.

The Fancy baby that started it all. So handsome.

And here it is, Ladies and Gentlemen, my husband in a very pink dress.

And here it is, Ladies and Gentlemen, my husband in my very pink dress. It definitely helped that I was 7 months pregnant when I wore it but we still had to buy a similarly very pink shirt to bridge the gap in the back so it would fit him. And it did. Like a very manly pink glove. {I’ll have you know that the headband/bow combo was his idea.} {The eyeshadow and blush were decidedly all me though.}

Jen's dress looked fabulous and set her back a whole 8 bucks. I'd tell you all about the terrible green jacket complete with FAKE BROWN SILK OMGGROSS shirt but I still can't get past that awful facial hair he's been sporting since Movember. So wrong.

Jen’s dress looked fabulous and set her back a whole 8 bucks. I’d tell you all about the DCFI’s terrible green jacket complete with BROWN FAKE SILK-I-touched-it-and-died-a-little-bit-inside shirt but I still can’t get past that awful facial hair he’s been sporting since Movember. So wrong.

We jumped right in to Just Dance 4. My neice Ellie decided her dad and uncles needed to preform One Direction together,

We jumped right in to Just Dance 4. My niece Ellie decided her dad and uncles needed to perform a One Direction song together…

So they did, and it was magical.

So they did, and it was magical.

Snoreface with the night's youngest revelers.

Snoreface with the night’s youngest revelers.

Jorie wore her mom's Junior prom dress. That is straight up, unadulterated 1989 right there, people.

Jorie wore her mom’s Junior prom dress. You are staring at straight-up, unadulterated 1989 right there, people.

The boys were very serious about their Final Countdown performance. {Bill soon realized that strapless dresses and vigorous booty-shakin just don't mix, but he kept the headband on like a good sport.

The boys were very serious about their Final Countdown performance. Bill soon realized that strapless dresses and vigorous booty-shakin’ just don’t mix {so much man-nip-slip} but he kept the headband on like a good sport.

Even grandma got in on the fun!

Even grandma got in on the fun!

If you don't know what dance this is, I'm sorry, you're not allowed in 2013 because you clearly failed 2012.

If you don’t know what dance this is, I’m sorry, you’re not allowed in 2013 because you clearly failed 2012.

Jen and the Deps rounded out the night with a so bad it's really just awesome dance to "I've had the time of my life". Yes the lift at the end was attempted and No, no one was thrown directly into the fireplace {although it may have beeb a close call}.

Jen and the Deps rounded out the night with a so-bad-it’s-really-just-awesome dance to “I’ve had the time of my life”. Yes, the lift at the end was attempted and no, no one was thrown directly into the fireplace {although it may have been a close call and the headline would have been epic : Deputy Chief Fire Idiot Throws Fancy Wife into Fire in Romantic Dance Gone Horribly Awry}.

Needless to say we had too much fun for our own good, as it should be on this night. Happy 2013, Internet.

Needless to say we had too much fun for our own good, as it should be on this night. Happy 2013, Internet.

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