Archive for March 28th, 2013

I’m really hoping I can get to a place where I will be able to use this space for more than just a monthly update on Adorable Baby but with costume –um– I mean dance season in full swing, I really don’t see that happening anytime soon. So without further ado, here is Ezra’s five month monthly blah-blah…


Firstly: Hands. The source of all enjoyment, the bane of our existence. While my sweet boy discovered his hands somewhere around the two month mark, he didn’t develop a full on obsession until this month. Last month he’d grab at toys and such when we’d wave them in front of him but the look on his face of complete and utter surprise when he’d realize something was attached to his fingers was pretty priceless, like “AHHH, MOM!!! Something’s on my hand getitoffWTF!!” Or “Hmm, this looks promisingly tasty, let me just try to shove it in my mouth, no! get out of my nose you stupid thing! not in my ear again aaaaand now I dropped it, why won’t you get in my mouth WHYGODWHY?!”

So he’s pretty adept now at grabbing what he wants and bringing it to his mouth to sample the various nuances in the taste of Plastic Crap. By six and a half months he’ll be an honest to god┬áconnoisseur of the subtle bouquets of LaMaze versus the bold tang of First Years. He also has developed a keen interest in chewing on human fingers which sounds mildly disturbing until you realize that he doesn’t have any teeth so it’s mostly gross in the baby slobber way which is decidedly better than the cannibalistic way. Still though. I really tried to discourage this habit since the kids love him so and do you know how many gross things a five and seven year old touch during the course of a day? I VERY SERIOUSLY have avoided thinking about this, because EW. I try to keep everyone’s hands as clean as possible but if you get your fingers anywhere near Ezra he is cheetah-fast and has an iron-clad grip and if he catches you? That shit is going directly in his mouth and you are POWERLESS against him.


Which leads me to another issue which I like to call the Baby Venus Fly Trap. Only he’s not catching flies, he’s catching humans so I guess I should call it the Baby Venus Human Trap but it just doesn’t have the same ring. ANYWAY. This little trick entails him laying on his back with a bare tummy. He lures his prey in with smiles, coos and probably some sort of wizard’s spell he picked up listening to Rowan read Harry Potter, or maybe something vaguely more satanic. The spell doesn’t even matter because that chubby baby tummy alone has done the trick and the unsuspecting victim moves in with the sole purpose of planting one thousand kisses and maybe blowing a few raspberries on that delicious baby skin and BAM! he has you in his evil baby clutches, his hands are clenched around fistfuls of your hair which impossibly but inevitably become twisted and tangled immediately in his fingers and you trytrytry to gently pull away but that just tightens his grip and further entangles you and now he is lifting his hands full of your hair to his gooey baby mouth and OHFORCHRISTSAKESGROSS, BABY. And it’s done. You have been trapped and eaten by a small human, and now you just have to wait for him to finish dining on your hair and to release his power grip on you. Afterward you vow, never! again! will I be so foolish as to fall for a small child’s tricker— oh my gosh, do you see that chubby baby tummy? Imma gonna kiss you, baby!! And so, on it goes…

The good news is that hands are quickly being replaced by the coolest new thing in baby anatomy: Toes. Holy shit, guys? Did you know about these things? They are like a built in baby-sitter, for real. He is completely taken with the things. Since cloth diapers are so bulky he can’t lift his legs up high enough to grab his feet so when I want to do things like shower, eat or spend uninterrupted time with Rowan or Keaton, all I have to do is throw that child in a disposable or an uncovered prefold, set him in his crib and VOILA! He is captivated by his own feet; capturing them, talking to them and desperately attempting to shove them in his mouth. So YAY toes! Functional and seemingly limitless entertainment value in the under 6 month set.


Sleep: Remember those two months where I had a baby who reliably sleep through the night? That was nice. And over. {And here is where I talk about those Stupid Hands again, which UGH, why do babies even HAVE hands? I do everything for him anyway, honestly! Sure, I know one day they might be useful for him to have, but for the time being they seem more like a luxury than a necessity so why can’t babies just grow them later, like teeth?} Ezra has been happy to be swaddled every night since his birth until Hands ruined everything. Once he realized their existence, he went from viewing the swaddle as a peaceful, snuggling, sleepy device to an unholy prison for his hands. So the tears come when we wrap him up at night which we totally ignore, for we are cruel and heartless people who value sleep, but he submits relatively quickly and drifts off with a few minutes of humming and rocking. The problem is when he wakes up at any point he begins the arduous process of trying to break out of the swaddle and you guys? Houdini would have trouble breaking out of Bill’s swaddles, those mofos are ridiculously snug, but squirmy baby wins every time. We tried leaving his hands out of the swaddle but to Ezra, Hands = PARTYTIME BITCHES! He immediately pulls his nuk out, sucks loudly on his fingers, whaps himself in the head a few times, talks to them, flails them around until he accidentally turns on his crib soother, scratches himself and then gets mad because he’s just realized it’s 1am, he’s tired and WHERE’S MY NUK THAT I PULLED OUT AND FLUNG ACROSS MY CRIB, HUH? So not an option. After a few weeks of waking up multiple times trying to bust free, he has mostly given in until about 45 minutes before we have to get up in the morning which, while not ideal, is a vast improvement.


The good news is that naps have improved greatly. Whether it’s due to the regression in night sleep or not is unclear but instead of 2-3 30-45minute naps a day, I am getting at least one solid 1.5- 2 hour nap out of him with an additional 1 hour or so in the afternoon and usually a 20-40 minute catnap in the evening. This has been super great as I feel like I can get stuff done when he’s down so I’m not constantly trying to pacify him while doing chores or having to do things one handed all day which can get everybody frustrated. It also allows me more one-on-one time with Keaton during the day, instead of constantly having to tell him “not now, buddy” so lots more quality time for all involved- keep it up, Baby!

A HUGE success this month is that we finally seemed to figure out the terrible, awful cradle cap. After being sentenced to hell {uh, I mean Ezra being diagnosed with a dairy allergy SAME DIFF}, his rash improved greatly… only we didn’t take into account that he was prescribed an antibiotic at the same time {because the rash had become infected}. Turns out dairy probably had very little to do with the rash on his cheeks which seems to have been a byproduct of the infected cradle cap, which came back nearly full force a few days after the antibiotics were done. On the FOURTH trip to the pediatrician, this is the secret, mystifying cure we were prescribed: Selsun Blue and .2% hydrocortizone. Yeah. Not really so secret. In fact 10 different google searches told me the same thing but I didn’t want to try anything without the doctor’s blessing and she was VERY certain it was dairy and why treat the symptom when I can figure out the source and fix it, you know? Alas, it was in vain as 24 hours after the first shampoo and application Ezra’s head was 90% healed and the reintroduction of dairy didn’t flare it up again. Now we use regular hydrocortizone sparingly and only need the shampoo 2 times a week to keep his head mostly rash-free. I’m just glad my Great Dairy-Free Ordeal is over and I can eat cheese and cream as baby jesus intended.


Things Ezra loves:

His big sister and brother. He smiles so huge for these two and his eyes follow them as they bounce around the room in the evening, studying their movement and smiling at them and wow it won’t be long until he’s chasing after them on all fours and then on all twos. To say his infancy is going fast would be a gross understatement.

TV. GAH! I don’t know what to do? Bill and I don’t watch any TV until all kids are down for the night and our weekday viewing is pretty light because of school and activities but we do let the kids watch some downloaded episodes and movies on the weekend and Ezra is completely rapt. I try blocking his view but he squirms until he can see just what Leonardo and the other turtles are up to this week. I’ve sort of given up so, you know, feel free to judge away.

Talking. We’re big into the YAYAYA’s and the DADADA’s. It’s where it’s at, Folks. {I am really encouraging the MAMAMA’s so I can quickly claim it as his first word/profession of undying love for me, but he’s not falling for it. YET.}

Being upright for play. He graduated from all floor play to the exersaucer which is nice because we can gather round him easier and sit him up next to us at mealtimes which makes him feel much more a part of our little family unit.


Other stuffs…

Like the older two, will roll side to side but adamantly refuses to roll onto his tummy. The Tummy is NOT where it’s at.

Loves to chew on lovey blankets and fingers and is drooling up a storm. We’ve now entered the Kiss This Baby At Your Own Risk stage as 80% of his face is covered with drool at any given time.

“Ooo, what’s this in my mouth? My nuk! I love my nuk! —Pulls nuk out with own hands— WHO TOOK MY NUK? —cries, mama replaces nuk— Oooo What’s this in my mouth? My nuk! I love my nuk! Pulls nuk out…

Ezra, you are filling our world up. From your shrieks and giggles to your snuggles and smiles, I can’t count the number of times in a week I pull you in close and just let the feeling of gratefulness wash over me. I am so thankful for you, Baby. And love you with all of my heart. Even your stupid hands.



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