Imagine if you will, Internet, I have invited you all to my house… lured you into my living room with promises of taco dip, a cheese ball and gin and tonics and then the click of the lock deafeningly slides into place behind you. As you look at the projector and white screen in abject TERROR you realize that you have been tricked into viewing 700 slides of someone else’s good time. The dreaded vacation slide show is about to commence as the lights get dimmer and dimmer and the muah-Ha-HA’s get louder and louder.
The next few posts are going to be kind of like that. Except you don’t really have access to cheese balls or booze and you can totally ex out of this stupidity at any time.
So! Hows aboutcha takes a looksee at mahs vacation pitchers!
We headed out on the 17th for Broadwater Lodge on Woman Lake. When we left it was beautiful out, but by the time we were on hour 3 of our drive, the skies looked like something out of an End Of All Humankind sort of movie, probably directed by Michael Bay:
If you look closely I bet you can see the Hand of God smiting someone.
We got a little nervous for the well being of our precious booze when the rain started pelting down ridiculously hard, while trying to navigate what seemed like the world’s most windiest road ever. Wait, did I say booze? I think I was supposed to say kids, but let’s be realistic and figure I got it right the first time. This weather was nerve-wracking mostly because last year’s vacation consisted of a day and a half of sun and five and a half days of 50 degrees and rain. Don’t get me wrong, we had a blast. We go in every year saying vacation is what you make of it. Even if you get a less than idyllic cabin or a week of shitty weather, the point is to carpe some of that friggen diem, and have yourself a good time. And for me that starts with a good attitude, an addictive true crime book and lots and lots of booze. But still, we were all hoping for some sun this year.
Thankfully, by the time we made our way to the cabin the sun was trying its best to peak out and it stayed out for the majority of the week. In fact, we packed so much into the first full two days that everything after that was just gravy. There is so much I want to document but I’ll start with my first top 5 take-away moments…
1. The boat.
The first morning our cabin piled into the DCFI’s boat and toured the lake. It was considerably bigger than the lakes we’ve stayed on the last 2 years. The best part was Keaton, who showed little interest last year and SCREAMY interest the first year, but this year -WHEE DOGGIES.
This boy was in heaven, admonishing his uncle every time he dared slow down.
2. “Is dere BOOOOOZE in dere?”
This was a familiar phrase from Keaton, as he kept asking for sips from our cups, which at home we normally readily grant. Unfortunately we had to turn him down due to the fact that pretty much everything we drank after, oh, say, 9:30 am had some sort of alcohol content.
Morning cup of joe or a refreshing ice tea? Don't be silly. It's a bloody mary.
3. The beach.
The beach on the resort was perfect for the kids, and they used it almost every day. It got a good amount of morning sun so the water wasn’t too cold and it had kayaks and water bikes and a giant jumpy trampoline. The first couple of days we swam the kids out to the water trampoline and they had so much fun. Not as much as the grown-ups who comically tried to launch each other off only to land in the water themselves, but still, lots of fun. I am the definition of a Helicopter Parent when my kids are around water- I’m totally neurotic and overbearing but the whole beach area was the perfect size and depth for us to have the kids in sight at all times and be comfortable having them play without their crazy mother holding the handle of their life jackets.
Jumping off the dock to daddy.
This smile says it all.
4. The wildlife.
Meet Dodge, the one-eyed dog. He liked to follow us on walks and would occasionally happen to meander over when we would start the grill. I have no idea where he came from or who he belonged to since pets weren’t allowed at the resort. He does look like he’s got some serious street cred though.
In addition to the bald eagles and the many loons we saw, there was also a very well fed flock of docks. And I use the term flock loosely as these lazy bums just floated at the water's edge all day getting fed stale hamburger buns by gleeful children.
Not pictured? THIEVING CHIPMUNKS.
These little buggers started off sweet and innocent enough, sidling up to our deck chairs, batting their little eyelashes and receiving a peanut in the shell to shove in their puffy little cheeks. We marveled at their domestication and pretty soon, all inhibitions were gone and the older kids were getting them to crawl in their hands and eat the peanut there while they pet their backs and scratched their ears.
Now a peanut in the shell is one thing, but I DO NOT share my sunflower seeds. They are MINE and I share with neither man nor chipmunk. During Keaton’s nap one day I brought some sunflower seeds out in a little bowl to snack on while I read my book. The two chipmunks tried their usual cute routine, and when they found it ineffective on me, the bolder of the 2 climbed up on my lap and deliberately spilled my bowl of seeds on the ground, then frantically shoved them in his mouth pouch and scampered off. This happened no less than 3 times in 15 minutes, THE JERKS.
5. The challenge.
In years past we’ve done multiple challenges, specifically last year. Due to the inclimate weather, we had to entertain ourselves somehow and it usually resulted in some sort of baffoonery from one or all of us each and every night. This year the weather was gorgeous and by the end of the day we were really tired from being out on the water and in the sun, so we really only ended up doing one big one, but OH LORD was it ever a challenge. It hinged on a game of Screw Your Neighbor and once you lost your 4 peanuts, you were out of the game. The last loser was to be the Ultimate Loser, having to perform The Challenge.
The stakes were so high, this was Jen's reaction when she lost to Bill in the final round.
And this is how a grown, 30-something women ends up in her swimsuit at midnight with a mustache and a dead walleye.
Earlier in the day Bill went fishing and caught the walleye. The Deps put it in his live-well to keep in case another member of our group wanted to clean it. When no one wanted to, Bill came up with the challenge: the loser of the game would have to jump with the fish off the dock, releasing it back to its watery home. Oh. And of course you have to wear a fake mustache. Because we say so. Only the live well on the boat was soon to be named the dead well, as it could not hold a fish without killing it. So alas, we found that the walleye had gone to the big fishpond in the sky. We didn’t feel right about letting him go to waste so my sister’s boyfriend ended up cleaning him to save for dinner and Jen just had to pick him up for a photo-op and then jump in the water with her mustache on, which though not quite as cool, is still pretty funny to a bunch of drunken idiots.
Cabin vacation 20 to the 10 wrap-up will continue later this week. Right now copious amounts of cold medicine are about to kick in to my bloodstream (did I mention all 4 of us caught a nasty cold right in the middle of vacation? No? Maybe expect more whining about that also.) So before this goes from incoherent to belligerent, I’m putting down the computer and going to stare at the wall for a while. I missed you, Internet.