Bestest Shit Evah: What I'm watching now edition.

So the last time I did this I didn’t have very broad horizons in the TV department, but since Lost ended {and then ended again, and again, and again after our subsequent series re-watchings} we have found a way to, not replace, but move on, branch out and give some other shows a chance. And since you care a super ton {RIGHT}, here’s what we’re watching and why…

Modern Family: Because everyone is watching Modern Family. This is a show I actively ignored during its first season because I was under the impression that the almighty sitcom died with Friends. One night just before the second season started Bill and I were bored and we heard Modern Family was more akin to The Office than a traditional sitcom so we watched the first few episodes on Hulu. It wasn’t love at first watch, as Phil completely skeeved me out, but I hung in there and after the writers thankfully figured out that his character was better served as lovable doofus vs. a creepy pervert I started to absolutely love the show. Yes it runs on a formula, yes the characters are mostly one-dimensional but how can you watch THIS and not laugh your ass off. Best Character: Gloria. And Cam, DUH. But in real life I completely give my heart to Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

How I Met Your Mother: This is a traditional sitcom, and again, I resisted it for years. I thought the premise sounded like a cheap gimmick and a Friends rip-off so I never even considered watching it. And Doogie? Really? Until that is, I vowed to devote myself to loving everything Neil Patrick Harris touches. After Dr. Horrible I told Bill we didn’t have a choice, that we HAD to give HIMYM a chance and thank god because the show turned out to be awe…wait for it…SOME. I have to admit the last two seasons haven’t done it for me like the first three did, but I’m excited to see where the show ends up for next year’s final season. Best Character: Barney Stinson.

Big Bang Theory: We started watching this one two years ago when we started watching HIMYM, for some reason the two just go hand in hand for us. It’s definitely not my favorite show, the cast can sometimes be as grating as they are endearing but I don’t think you’ve really lived until you’ve been exposed to Sheldon Cooper. Best Character: Um. Sheldon Cooper, but especially his relationship with Penny.

New Girl: I did NOT want to watch this one. At all. Fox started assaulting us with promos at the beginning of last summer and it looked…really stupid. But for some reason *cough*crush on Zooey Deshanel*cough* Bill made us watch the first three episodes and I have to admit. It’s actually pretty funny. I don’t know if it will last but if they keep going the way they are, we’ll keep watching. Best Character: Schmidt.

Glee: This one I have watched from the beginning, which obviously is because I’m a giant sucker for anything resembling a musical. One thing that has been made clear on countless pop-culture sites is that people get really worked up if it has a bad episode or two. I just can’t get that mad at this show. It’s not going for realism, people. Teenagers with full bands break into song 4-6 times an episode and half the “teenagers” are actually closer to my age. I guess I’ve always taken the series at face value, which for me is a fun show that’s flawed but has a good heart. And as long as the music’s good I don’t get too pissed off about storylines or the musical themes they chose. Best Character: This is a tough one, I can’t pick just one as this show truly thrives as an ensemble. My top picks are Burt Hummel, Kurt, Sue and Britney. I also have a major soft spot for Blaine, but dude needs to lay off the short pants and bow ties.

Fringe: This has done a pretty good job of filling the void for Weird Shit that Lost left, though it’s much more akin to X-Files. It took me a few episodes to get into it but I’m so glad I did because last season was so so so good. The relationship between Pacey, uh, I mean Peter and his sweet but disturbed father is one of my favorite parts of this or any show and the alternate reality storyline was a real shocker. This season, its 4th, my affection has definitely cooled as I think the writers are sort of confused about which direction they should go. If they screw it up, I’m invested enough where it would piss me off but probably not enough to quit watching it. Best character: Walter.

Dexter: What’s not to love about a sociopathic serial killer that rids the world of bad guys? NOTHING. The show has taken a few turns over the years that haven’t been my favorite {that Jimmy Smits season? What WAS that?}, but overall this is one of the darkest, most fun shows of ever. Best Character: DEBRA FUCKING MORGAN IS MY HERO.

True Blood: This show is way too campy, sexual and over the top to take seriously but damn if I don’t look forward to every new season. I can’t even write a good synopsis because almost everything about it is so ridiculous but I can’t quit you, Sookie Stackhouse. Best Character: This is another one that’s too close to call. Lafeyette wins for best dialogue and awesomeness, Eric Northman for….drooooooooool, and Eric Stackhouse for best lovable idiot.

Walking Dead: This is definitely a guilty pleasure series as it’s not terribly clever or well written, but I’ve mostly enjoyed watching it. Though that might change after last week’s episode that should have been titled, Stupid Women and Why They Can’t Do Anything Without a Good Man. This show is hereby on notice, but I’ll probably hang in there though the rest of this season.

Shows that I watch but have ridiculously long hiatuses that make me stabby: Mad Men {I’m very close to placing this in the Shows I’m Over category. I don’t think it’s gods gift to television like many people but I do think it’s a pretty smart show and with Christina Hendricks’ knockers, how can you really go wrong. Also Pete Campbell is so unintentionally hilarious that I’ll probably keep watching.}  Game of Thrones {which had a WICKED first season but I already forgot most of it and season two doesn’t start until April. Maybe I’ll cozy up with the books this winter to help fill in the gigantic gaps.}

Shows that haven’t sucked me in yet but that I haven’t written off: Grimm {I like the dark premise but none of the characters or storylines have pulled me in}, Once Upon a Time { I actually have only watched the first episode but I couldn’t concentrate over the loud sighing and constant state of eye roll that Bill was in. I’m willing to give it another try without him around. } Up All Night {I don’t know. I like Will Arnett. I like Christina Applegate. I like Maya Rudolph. I’m just not sure I like them all together on that show.}

Shows that I’m excited for: Awake. Malfoy’s dad is extremely appealing when he’s not being Malfoy’s dad. This starts mid-season.

Shows I’m over: The Office, 30 Rock. I think they’re both great shows and I adore their casts (Tina Fey is my non-potty-mouthed hero) but for whatever reason I’ve dropped them from regular viewing. I should probably add Grey’s Anatomy and Desparate Housewives to this list but I haven’t watched them in so long, they barely register on my showdar.

And wow. I need to get a life. That is a ridiculous amount of television. I should state that we don’t watch any of these in real time {save Fringe if we’re home and childless on a Friday}, instead we save them up and watch them in our spare time on the weekends.

Oh! I almost forgot this last category:

Shows that are better than Lost: Not a one of them. But you already knew that didn’t you , Internet.

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What I've been up to…

I know I’ve been MIA for awhile but I’m pleased to report that my return to the Internet is on the horizon as tonight I will be turning in the last of Rowan’s dance costumes. Costumes that I individually affixed hundreds and hundreds and HUNDREDS of tiny sequins to. And with each sequin? 4,000 teeny little braincells jumped ship out my ear holes, each one screeching “see-ya sucker!” on their way out. FYI? Brain-cells are kind of assholes. {Or maybe they just reflect the person in whom they occupy head space, in which case that sort of makes sense now. Nevermind.}

Needless to say things have been sort of chaotic around here and every minute I could spare away from sequin-gate 2011 I tried to spend in one of two ways. If the kids were awake? Playing outside with them. If the kids were asleep? Drinking heavily. On the tap costume alone I went through an entire box of wine in 5 days. {That’s right I SAID BOX}. Judge away, Internet, but I’m telling you between the wine and the high I got off of all that glue I’m not really sure what’s real anymore. It probably didn’t help that we started watching season one of Fringe during this either. Whatever, reality’s for suckers anyway.

Since I’ve been mostly a Little Red Hen during this process, only asking my mom for help with the sewing portion {did you know you could thread a needle? And, like, use it to attach stuff to other stuff? Weird, Huh?!} and only asking my husband to refill my wine glass {although he did attempt to help sequin the tap dress, which understandably made him very stabby so we agreed he should just stick to keeping his wife nice and tipsy} Bill has tried to help in other ways though too- mainly by keeping my spirits up through my computer’s wallpaper.

The first was inspired by the brilliant site, True American Dog

Which Bill made into this work of, um, art, starring Keaton:

I would caption this, but seriously? There are no words that could possibly do it justice.

The second was inspired by none other than the Honey Badger who, we all learned from this video, just doesn’t give a shit. One day last week we were sitting at the table and we had asked Rowan 3 or 5 or 175 times to please hold over the table, please sit still, please lower her voice, please stop distracting her brother, please just EAT YOUR FOOD and each time she would look us in the eye, apologize, say she understood and then promptly kept up the behavior. I looked at Bill, exasperated, and in a hushed voice said “Oh my God. We’re raising the goddamn honey badger. SHE DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT.”

And this morning I woke up to this…

And Internet? I’m still smiling.

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Let's catch up…

Internet? I’m pretty sure I have the plague. Or a cold. But the plague sounds cooler and it really captures my imaginary suffering so much better than the word ‘cold’ which doesn’t make people feel bad for you in the slightest, especially when you come from a state that is bragging about today’s 30 below zero temperatures. Thankfully the kids are both feeling better and finally back at preschool and Kindergarten this morning. It was such a weirdly quiet week, spending most of our time playing games, reading books and watching movies. {And as a side note, I let them pick out the movies when THEY’RE sick but yesterday when *I* was the one in bad shape do you think Keaton let me pick out the movie? Ohhhhh noooo. Mater’s Tall Tales and Toy Story 3 for the 53rd time this week. JERK.}

Last Friday, which was infinitely more enjoyable, Bill and I had a much anticipated date night out. It was also the first time in 2 weeks we had consumed anything more than water, cranberry juice, rabbit food, chicken or turkey. While part of me wanted to go out and find the biggest, juiciest steak covered in a mushroom cream sauce, I had no desire to throw up that steak when my body rejected it. So we decided to try the hole in the wall sushi place close to our house. I had had sushi only one time before this and while I enjoyed it, it was at a dinner party and was prepared by a woman who moved to Japan to study the art of Japanese cooking and lifestyle for a stretch of years. It was made pretty clear that this was probably the best sushi I was ever going to get, thus scaring me from trying it anywhere else.

But how wrong I was. Untrained pallet or not, Murasaki was really good, as was the bottle of Saki Bill and I split. {And by split I mean he might have had a few sips before I slammed the rest.} We chose 4 different types of sushi to split, all of which was awesome and now I have to quit writing about this because my mouth is watering too much.

During dinner we kept going back and forth over which movie we were going to see. The plan had originally been to see Black Swan but it didn’t start until 9:45. Bill really wanted to see True Grit which conveniently started right after dinner. Naturally we decided to do both. After we made our decision I looked at Bill and said. “We’re THAT couple. The one that goes out for sushi and then can’t decide between two critically acclaimed films by neurotic directors so they see both. I sort of want to punch us in the face.”  After mutually deciding to hold off on the punching until after the movies we headed to the theater.

What did I think of them? GLAD YOU ASKED! I {we} really REALLY like True Grit. The Cohen brothers are more hit than miss for me {hit:O Brother, Where Art Thou?, No Country for Old Men,  miss: Fargo} but I always get a little nervous if I’ll like their movies. No need to worry though because this was by far my favorite. I won’t give any spoilers other than Jeff Bridges was absolutely awesome and so much fun to watch in this film and if he’s not nominated for Best Actor I am QUITTING the Oscars.

We had a 10 minute break in between and then we headed off to Black Swan which…holy Jesus. Bill was warned by a co-worker that we would pretty much be holding our breath the entire film but still, I was unprepared. I mean it’s about the freaking Ballet…not exactly high-octane viewing. What I didn’t realize was that it was less about the drama of the seedy underbelly of ballet and more about one ballerina’s terrifying descent into Batshit Crazydom. I really liked it though, and being completely unprepared for what I was about to see added to the experience I think.

While I’m reviewing things I might as well include the 2 books I recently finished {albeit way behind the rest of the world}. Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen was a pretty good story, although the execution left a little to be desired and I didn’t exactly buy the ending, but overall I enjoyed reading it. The movie comes out in April which I’m sort of excited for but I guess I’m just having a hard time reconciling Reese Witherspoon and goddamn Edward from Twilight as the main characters. Surprisingly though, my problem is less with Mr. Pattinson and more with Ms. Witherspoon who is nearly 15 years beyond the 21 year-old character of Marlena. I’m all for aging the character, which actually makes way more sense given Marlena’s talents which would presumably take YEARS to hone but is played off as just natural ability in the book. I guess I’d be more upset if they tried to make Reese out as a 21 year old which she is clearly not and WOW I sound way more invested in this than I actually am.

Book 2! I’ve been trying to make it through The Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford since October which is about the relationship of a young Chinese boy and Japanese girl in America during World War II . I am more than a little obsessed with World War II, having taken a number of courses in college about the Holocaust and reading anything I can get my hands on, fiction or non, on the subject. For that reason alone I really wanted to like this book, and even more so because it focused on something I had little knowledge about- the Japanese-American prison camps our government set up to imprison thousands upon thousands of American citizens for no other reason than their Japanese ancestry.  But. The book sort of sucked. The way the author wrote the 12 year old main character was just not believable. And it was overly saccharine. And just not very good. Now someone please tell me that I’m a heartless asshole for not liking what I’m sure countless others did.

Other than nursing myself and 2 sick kids I’ve spent my time trying to figure out our new TV. About, oh, 2 years ago, the picture on our TV started randomly going blank. Sometimes just once a day, sometimes 5-10 times during the same program. The TV came with our townhome when we purchased it back in 2005, and was neither a super nice nor super cheap LCD 30-some inch flatscreen.  We called a repair place and they told us to not bother fixing it but I am stubborn and don’t like to spend my money on electronics/technology unless it happens to be at the Apple store so I resisted getting a new one. Only when you try to  put a show on for your small children so you can {FOR THE LOVE OF GOD} shower and right as you put the shampoo in your hair your children burst in on you, banging on the shower door all WOE IS ME!!!!! THE TEEEEVEEEE TURNED OFF AGAIN!!!!! and you’re faced with listening to them scream for the remainder of your shower or jumping out naked and soaking wet so you can get the picture back on for them kind of COMPLETELY SUCKS.

Then over the holidays our really ancient “stereo” {which is a term I use very loosely in describing this thing} finally died and Bill got a Best Buy gift card for Christmas so we went to replace it and do you know what else they have at Best Buy, Internet? That’s right! TVs.  So Bill slyly meandered over to the home theater section and started drooling asking questions. After sleeping on it one night, and with what I can only assume to be the encouragement and blessing of our old TV to be put out if its misery by turning off 17 times during a movie, we decided to go ahead and get a new one. We didn’t get a giant, fancy thing but it’s black and shiny and now I can maybe shower in peace and at the end of the day, that’s all one can really ask for.

And now? I’m getting ready to pick up Keaton from preschool which will be the first time out of my house in, count them, 1-2-3-4-FIVE days. Wow. What an exciting life I lead. You can just go ahead and cue the music from The Shining.

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Of Movies and Mice

Well hey there, Internet! I know. I KNOW. There have been a lot of picture posts lately, but in my defense I tagged this as a photography blog for NaBloPoMo and I’ve also been really busy digesting first, second and third Thanksgivings. I promise to do a general bloggy type updatey thing early this week but for now I’ll just share a little moment from our long Thanksgiving weekend.

We took the kids to see Tangled Friday evening which I don’t think got great reviews but I thought was really good. So did my kids but take that with a grain of salt because they’ll say just about any movie is good when you put a tray filled with pop, popcorn and fruitsnacks on their lap. I always wondered why Disney never monetized Rapunzel. I know in its original form it is a dark story but if they can make Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Mermaid into a light-hearted family film, then Rapunzel shouldn’t be all that challenging. Nevertheless, I’m glad they waited because although the music was sort of meh, the plot was cute and it was overall pretty hilarious. It made me see frying pans in a whole new light, which is good since I’ll probably never utilize one for its original purpose.

I know I’ve said it before but I love, love, love that we can take these two to movies together. Keaton was pretty darn good at sitting still and didn’t even have to go potty once. Seeing how excited they got in anticipation of the feature film as we sat through 49.2 previews and watching them react to the funny parts is honestly one of the biggest perks of being a parent. Being able to share an experience, a moment that lives outside of all of us is beyond cool.

The absolute best part of the whole thing actually happened before the movie even started. We had just settled everyone in their seats, the previews had finally ended and the lights when from dim to black. Then this animation sequence came on:

And our son, who only has one volume on his voice {read:LOUD} says with incredulaty to the completely hushed theater: “HEEEEEY! Why is Micky Mouse up there in his underware?!”

He got a few good laughs, ours included.

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S to the P to the OILERS

I know you have all been waiting with bated breath to hear my thoughts regarding the conclusion to Lost. What was that? Oh shut your face, you totally care.

So yeah, don’t read this and blah blah whatey-nots if you have not yet watched the Lost finale. If you have not yet watched the series then what can I say but, YOU ARE DEAD TO ME- HEY! Like some other people we know!

******

As in, ALL OF THEM. They are all dead. And I am OK with this because I like finality and there really isn’t anything more final than the cast walking into the bright lights of the Great Beyond. Were we left with a heaping pile of unanswered questions? Well, duh. It’s Lost. But there is a comfort level about how many, or more specifically, which ones were left unanswered. The show had a big cast and different people latched on to different characters so I feel like if you didn’t latch on to one of the main leads, Jack in particular, the ending might have fallen a little flat for you. What I feel like we learned was that this story overall was essentially Jack’s journey. His plight and ultimate redemption. We were given the lives and stories of many others but in the end it was Jack’s arc that everything hinged on. I’m personally OK with this, but I can totally see how other people wouldn’t be.

I will say that just like all the previous 120+ episodes, I looked at Bill when it was over and said “What the Hell?” I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to do that at the end of the finale but…I guess the show is nothing if not consistent. The main reason for my What The Hellinous was that time and time again the producers maintained that even though the show was heavy on plot and of course the setting of the Island was integral, it was at its heart a character driven show. The relationships of these castaways and others who wound themselves into their lives was ultimately what we cared about in the end. And I truly believe that to be the case, only I feel like over the six years we were engaged in Lost, the Island in itself became a character and I’m not sure they did it justice in the end.

Yes the immediate danger of the Man In Black was eliminated (I AM disappointed they didn’t reveal his name, but conceed that it’s a small, petty gripe in the big picture) and the Island was all set to be protected by Hurley for however long after but…I don’t know. The explanation of the Magical Cave of Light was vague at best and I guess I would have liked the Island’s purpose spelled out as clearly as the rest of the characters, that is to say, one or two steps above vague. Does that make sense? No? In that case I should totally be an honorary Lost writer!

The fact of the matter is that I could sit down and pen a list of probably hundreds of questions that went unanswered. I think some of them could be legitimately argued as missteps by the writers, but most would fall under the categories of Does It Really Matter?, Nitpicking Asshole!, or We Abandoned This Story Line, Get Over It. Perhaps once the high emotion that the finale brought on settles a bit I’ll be more apt to let the Island mysterious go, but for now I’m a little indignant about the whole thing.

Beyond that though, I thought they did a beautiful job. The revelation that the sideways world was really the creation of the castaways as a way to find each other and move on to the next…whatever…was breathtakingly awesome. And it made the awakenings of each castaway go from maybe a little cheesey to completely moving. The fact that they had to put together the pieces of their own lives and accept their deaths in the end, in order to move forward, was beyond compelling to me.

And because you obviously care if you’re still reading (hello…?), here is my summation of what happened to the main characters, or at least the characters I give a shit about:

Jack: We know this one. And it was done ridiculously, beautifully well so I have nothing to add.

Kate: She got off the Island and went on to become Auntie Kate to Aaron and in all truthfulness probably led a series of different men on for the rest of her life because none of them could live up to the martyred good doctor.

Claire: Went home, had an emotional reunion with her son and mother, got a fucking haircut. THE END.

James Ford: Got off the Island and made this movie. When it flopped he went on to become a highly paid partner and advisor at a security company, playing by his own rules in true Sawyer fashion. Meets his daughter and becomes a good father over time. Dies peacefully at an old age, in his own bed, while reading a good book.

Locke: I’m honestly at a loss for this one. When he was murdered, after very nearly doing the job himself, I was pissed. I wanted so badly for this man to be able to live out his dream of being the Island’s caretaker. By the end of season 4 I truly felt that was his purpose. Things got so muddled for me with the weaving of the Man In Black in his body storyline though, that I have trouble finding my feelings regarding him. I will say that I loved his awakening, or more specifically his chat with Ben outside the church, and loved to see that genuine John Locke smile again after so many of the sinister Imma-gonna-kill-you Smokey smiles.

Sayid: Redemption Zombie. Fate known. But the finale did leave us with the assumption that Sayid’s few weeks long (or less! Can’t remember! Island time is confusing!) love affair with Shannon on the Island was more meaningful than his lifelong quest for the love of Nadia. I don’t know how I feel about that one. I kinda feel like they screwed Sayid.

Sun and Jin: Redemption Love. Fate known.

Ji Yeon: Is contacted by surviving survivors and given the true, powerful tale of her parents’ love for one another and for her. Goes through a brief Ben Linus “What about me?!” stage in her early teens but gets over it when Hurley invites her to the Island for some good old fashion enlightenment. Totally marries Aaron.

Aaron: Totally marries Ji Yeon. What?! This is my post and I’ll write what I want to.

Juliet: Worked diligently as a guardian angel to her sister and nephew, keeping them safe through the use of her fabulous death stare, until being awoken by Sawyer.

Hurley: New Jacob. I actually called this a few weeks back but last week’s episode threw me off, so I was happy when it turned out to be the case. Hurley as the Island’s spiritual guide gives me hope that through his big (figuratively and literally) caring heart, the Island became a place of peace and genuine goodness. I also think his means of finding a replacement will be more humane than crashing a giant airliner violently into the Island.

Micheal: Bound to the Island as a Whisperer for…eternity? When he was blown up on the freighter he was told by Christian Shepard that “He could go now”. I originally took that to mean he was finally absolved for what he did to Ana Lucia and Libby but I guess in the end it was Smokey as Christian, not Jacob that finally allowed him to die, not giving him redemption at all but sentencing him to Island Purgatory Psst-iness.

Walt: Listen. I get that the kid hit his growth spurt and couldn’t be a main stay of the show anymore but I think they could have handled his storyline tie-ups better. They set him up to be this ridiculously special, unique kid, one who would seem to fit in nicely with the Smokey story line but instead they gave the excuse of “The kid’s been through enough” crap. I call lamesauce on that one.

Desmond: Uh. Did he get stuck back on the Island with Hurley and Ben? They heaved him up but he didn’t make it to the plane. Do we assume he made it back to Penny and little Charlie at some point and went on to make 3,000 more adorable children with her, then living to 123 years old? Or do you think he remained on the Island, eventually dying there. I’m going to go with Option A since Hurley’s in charge now.

Miles: Uses diamonds he stole from Nikki and Paolo’s grave to start the security company in which Sawyer is partner and adviser. Keeps seedy secret room behind a bookcase in his office to do his communing with the dead thing on the side.

Faraday: I don’t get it. What am I missing? They made him part of the end at the concert but then totally left him out, other than Desmond mentioning to Hawking that he would not be joining them in their journey On. Faraday wasn’t an original castaway and doesn’t have a significant tie other than Desmond being his Constant, so does he go to a different magical church along with Widmore, Eloise Hawking and Charlotte in time? Is he waiting for them to have their own awakenings so he can move On?

Hawking: She seemed enlightened enough…why doesn’t she move on? Does she still serve a purpose to the Island? After all the shitty things she did why wasn’t she bound to the Island as a Whisperer?

Lapidus: Made it home. Learned how to button his damn shirt.

Ana Lucia: I don’t know about you but I totally bought it when Hurley said “Oh, she’s not ready yet” during last week’s episode. She is one tough cookie and think Rapture is a ways off for her.

Richard: Lives out a happy, unassuming existence on earth and then Moves On with Isabella. His ending on the show felt rushed. They gave us the beautiful Ab Aeterno episode where we get Richard’s life story and by the end of the episode our normally cool-headed mystic guide, feels his mission is to blow up the plane or some other rash action to stop Smokey from leaving. This is very UnRichard. Then in the finale he’s all “Oh, nevermind. I guess I feel like living all of a sudden” and is easily swayed with barely a reason from Operation: Blow That Plane the Fuck Up to Operation: Get the Fuck On That Plane. I really liked Richard, and felt his piece in the finale was disappointing.

Ben: What can I say? Ben is, without a doubt, my favorite character on Lost. Draw whatever conclusions about me from that statement that you will, but it’s the truth. I loved that he went on to be number two. The more things change, the more things stay the same. Only it’s made pretty clear that Hurley’s Ben is a humble, entirely different man from Jacob’s Ben. I’d like to think he didn’t lose his shrewd, uncanny knack for finding a way to get what the Island wants or needs, but I think we see that he’s taken into account what he learned. He has Hurley as a boss now and Ben is nothing if not a chameleon, taking on the ways of whoever is going to get him what he wants. So I think Hugo’s inherent goodness bodes well for Ben. Why didn’t he go in the church? Was he waiting for Alex? Has he not atoned for all his sins (and those are some MIGHTY big sins he has on his soul)? I don’t know. And honestly I’m OK with not knowing.

I hope everyone who was invested in this world was able to get most of what they wanted from the conclusion of the show. I have never cared so deeply about a fake reality in all my life and I don’t regret that statement for a minute. This was a beautiful story about flaws, love, sacrifice and redemption and I feel so lucky to have been taken on the ride. Someone thought this concept up, and they shared it and it grew and grew until it was played out for all of us to watch and feel the connection, to feel the ties between one human to the next. It is art, and it is human and I loved it.

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People, this is the night.

The night I have been waiting for since… well, this day. If anyone dares to call or interrupt me (including my children!) in any way between the hours of 8 and 10pm CST, they will be greeted with a swift beheading.

This is where I usually say “Just kidding! I would never do that!”

That is not the case this time.

BE. HEADING.

{Hope everyone enjoys the premier! And head over to Mama Pop for the open thread if you can multi-task during LOST, which sadly, I cannot.}

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Awesomesauce of Oh Niner

Reading everyone’s pop culture top ten lists of the year has led to my reflection of the highlights of my own year so here I have gone ahead and longwindedly listed them in absolutely no logical (or readable!) order.

1. Keaton stopped sucking: This one was huge as the previous year was dominated by soul-sucking screams and the resulting PTSD. 2009 was the year where we got to get to know and love this awesome little guy and were able to be so much more mobile due to his improved demeanor. Based on 2008 we were honestly afraid this would never happen but lo and behold Keaton shed his crappy cocoon and grew into a less screamy butterfly or if you prefer the frog metaphor; he went from a thrashing little poliwog and grew some damn legs that allowed us to get out of the house and out into the living breathing world.

2. I started this blog: This has been such a great outlet for me to help make sense of life. And by Make Sense, I mostly mean it has helped me learn to laugh at all the shit that typically makes a person want to cry or hole themselves up with a box of cookies and a bottle of whisky. Like wash cloths in the toilet, poop tracked all over the carpet and long blond hair hidden under the couch. Oh fine I still cried at that last one but still, making fun of the great hair debacle of Aught Nine helped me cope.

3. My sister Emily got married and Snoreface caught the bouquet: This picture is why I love my family so much. Only WE could make a spectacle of a quick, simple courthouse ceremony.

4. The DCFI: Poor Deps has been a good sport this year over all the ribbing he’s taken. The world needs more people who can laugh at themselves and who can deal with really crappy sister-in-laws.

5. Hernando & my DSLR camera: The addition of these two things which are practically members of the family now, have made all the difference in documenting all our hijinks.

6. TV shows: Bill and I spend more time than probably is recommended by the FDA sitting in front of the TV or computer catching up on all the TV shows we’ve missed out on in the last few years. It started after season 5 of Lost wrapped up and we were jonesing for something to fill the void so we used Netflix, Hulu and our local library to watch Battlestar Galactica, Freaks and Geeks, The Wire, The Office, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, True Blood, Dexter, and now we’re currently watching season one of Mad Men. We also got hooked on Glee in real live TV time. It’s been fun to catch up on what’s what in TV-land, since besides Lost, we haven’t gotten engrossed in a show since Friends and ER‘s heyday.

7. CV 09: Cold and rainy? Yes. But so much fun. Bill and I are in charge of making the memories and traditions for our kids and these trips are so integral to that. I really feel like we are giving them an experience that, if not included in their long-term memory, will create a relationship and a solid framework of love for their extended family. Plus we get to drink a lot.

8. Moments with Rowan: It’s hard to get one on one time with Rowan now that she’s in preschool and so many activities but we stole some special moments this past year that will always be highlights including the 4th of July, taking her to her first play- Cinderella at the Children’s Theatre, reading her the Little House books, her first movie in a theater: Up and her first dance recital.

9. The Children’s Museum: This membership has saved us this year. I mean, what’s not to love about a place your kids get to go nuts just exploring and being themselves? It’s not in a super convenient location for us and you have to make sure to wash hands or use sanitizer otherwise you’re almost guaranteed to pick up a cold virus but totally worth it for us.

10. Bed and Breakfasts: I hate hotels. HATE. I can NOT sleep in them and I never feel comfortable or safe. Bed and breakfasts on the other hand, are so calming and, I don’t know… fancy? Or something? I feel like a real live grown up when we go. We had a phenomenal time at both we stayed at this year; they do wonders for a marriage that needs a little TLC.

11. Dr. Horrible. I’m so late to the party on this one but never-the-less it’s still one of the highlights of my year. (The hammer…is my penis. What’s not to love, I ask you?)

12. Rockband Parties: Jen and the DCFI struck gold this year if Gold means buying a gaming system and games that attract your rowdy family in droves and pretty much guarantees you will be volunteered to host every get together from now until the end of time. Yes. Then they are super, super rich.

13. Getting rid of the DAMNED TEA POT.

This horrible teapot was given to my brother at his 1996 wedding and it was so god awful that it has been bequeathed to the next poor soul to get married as a “HAHA SUCKER!” gift. He had it for less than two months as Jen married the DCFI in September of that same year and they housed the atrocity until Emily married in August of 2002. In 2004 it was “gifted” to Bill and I and we waited patiently for Snoreface and her boyfriend Vince to get engaged so we could hold out hope of freeing up some cupboard space. Life and the teapot had different plans however, which ended in Emily’s first marriage and began in her second, so at Keaton’s birthday party I got to give it back to her and I gotta tell you, it felt so good to give it back to the ass sister that gave it to me. Emily immediately threatened to hog-tie Vince and drag him at knife point to the jewelry store to force the purchase of a diamond ring for Snoreface. Vince went ahead and took a picture of the teapot to keep on his phone as a reminder of juuuust what he would be getting into if he officially joined this family. I’m thinking Emily and Giacomo will have the teapot for a while longer now.

And a shortlist of the things that were not so Awesomesauce? Of course I have that! What kind of pessimistic asshole do you take me for?

1. All the dead celebrities. I mean, better them than me but there were a few weeks there when I was scared to check my yahoo headlines because they just kept dropping like flies. Let’s stay away from the prescription drugs this year, Hollywood.

2.Purple. Sand.: I think I’ve said enough.

3. The year of the Puking: The Stomach flu has graced us three times this year and in my memory that has NEVER happened so that better mean it takes a nice, loooooong break from our household in 2010. DO YOU HEAR THAT, STOMACH FLU? Don’t make me glove slap you.

4. Keeping up with exercise: I did great in the summer when I could get outside but when the weather didn’t cooperate and once the temp dropped so did my desire to work out. I tried to do the 30 Day Shred twice this year, the first time I think I gave up after 6 days and the second I made it to 17 before I swore off that Michaels bitch. If I don’t start exercising I may have to curb my olive and fancy cheese habit and NOBODY WANTS THAT.

5. Ripping my toenail off: That really fucking hurt.

5. Training Luna: Poor, poor Luna. Next year is your year, dog. Maybe. I mean, yes! It will be! Probably. Aw, crap at the very least I’ll vow to buy you more treats… deal?

6. Swine Flu: This wreaked so much havoc in my household from mid-September until mid-November. No, we never got it- that’s not the point! The point is all of us were sick no less than 48 times during those two months and every time we fell ill we lived in a state of germ-filled panic that it was the fricken swine flu. Which it never was.

I think that’s it. 2009 was not so terrible to us, and we’d like to keep that lack of terribleness going strong through 2010. And so from all of us here at casa de Gunterhausen we wish you and your family a very safe and very happy new year filled with fluttering daisy petals and unicorn butts. And some strong liquor.

And I just updated the numbering. 7 does not come after 5. Clearly 2009 continued to be a bad year for Christy and numbers like the preivous 28 before it. Good luck, 2010!

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Bestest Shit Evah: Current TV Edition

I am writing to try and distract myself from crumpling into a sad puddle. What’s that? No, the kids are fine. Nope, no animals have tried to complete mini jihad suicide missions as of late. I am distraught because tonight is the season finale of LOST and just what the heck am I supposed to do with myself until next January when the final season commences? I already looked into medically induced comas but Bill said no. Something about kids and responsibility and yada yada SHUT UP BILL.

So here is the Bestest Shit Evah current TV edition, which means I am reviewing shows that are currently producing new episodes on TV.

1.

THE END

(oh come on, like you didn’t know I was going to do that.)

I suppose I should tell you that I love this show because it makes me think. Because it is ridiculous and implausible but so distinctly human at the same time because you care about what happens to the characters. Having some experience in short story writing, I can appreciate how hard it is to make a totally organic set of characters that your audience will wrap themselves up in. Lost has a huge cast so they’ve obviously had a few misses (for me Michael, Ana Lucia, Nikki &Paulo) but the majority of the characters are so well written that you start hoping for them and wanting them to succeed.

The best evidence of this is Michael Emerson’s portrayal of Benjamin Linus, LOST’s resident creepy evil-or-maybe-he’s-not-you-just-don’t-know dude and also my favorite character. Nothing that comes out of his mouth can be trusted and he appears to not have a conscience but the way the story is weaved I’ve found myself rooting for the bugger a time or two and I would be absolutely devastated if they killed him off before the series finale.

"I will eat your babies if it is what The Island requires of me". (Good to know, Benny boy!)

Many people gave up on Lost because they found all 7,905 of the storylines too confusing and this is a founded accusation, but if you’ve had patience and stuck with it I believe the reward has been being witness to the best television we’ve seen since The Golden Girls (HA I’m kidding. Maybe.) We’ve recently gone back and watched all the seasons and I remember how frustrating it was to get an amazing backstory of a character (that ended in a cliffhanger, no less) and then not even see that character again for another 3 episodes. Then when you did you were all “Wait, what happened again?” That kinda sucked, especially because the first 2-3 seasons would have month long hiatuses mid-season. BUT! The patient (I still can’t believe I am among this sector) are getting the payoff and that payoff also includes:

OK, not so much in the looks department for our pal Hurley but look at that smile! I just want to give him a bear hug before shipping him in an over-sized box to Jillian Michaels doorstep, because I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE, HURLEY!

This show makes you think about the universe, science, love, faith, spiders that make you look mostly dead, the afterlife, purgatory, relationships, polar bears, experiments, going all in, supporting one another, the best angle for tackles, ping-pong, numbers, sickness, worst case scenarios, gravity and a thousandy other things. I can’t turn my brain off after watching it but yet I refuse to make predictions because every time I think I’m getting close it goes in a different direction. This one keeps you on your toes but delivers exponentially when you’re let in on the secret. If you can name another show on network television that can do that as well as this one then I’ll eat my hat, sir.

But you can’t because I’m the judge and I say LOST wins.

PS-The show is not infallible, there have been a handful of episodes that were just meh and a couple that were thoroughly WTF, but they are not even a blip on the DHARMA radar of LOST’s existence.

PPS- If you’re looking for the best episodes see: Season 3’s finale Through The Looking Glass, and season 4’s The Constant and Ji Yeon.

PPPS- We don’t have, oh what do you call it, you know that new fangled thing? I think it’s called CABLE POWERED TELEVISION. Like the kind you pay for. So I’m not hip to all the shows that are allowed to use swear words, this is based solely on network TV.

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Bestest Shit Evah: Musical Movie Edition

I am very carefully and scientifically going to choose and feature my Favorites in a series of posts that I will write whenever I don’t have anything else to write about (read: my children and/or The Universe aren’t trying to kill me this week (yet) which I’m not really used to so I will peck away at this keyboard in hopes I go unnoticed). Do you care? Probably not. BUT! I will be able to look back at this and mourn the passing of my coolness with absolutely no dignity at all while eating a  stick of butter when I’m like 57 or something so this is for me, not you (unless you want it to be for you, in which case Here! Look what I wrote for you!).

So My Favorite Musical Movies, I will put these in the order I saw them in (not how I rank them).

1. Wizard of Oz:  The first movie I ever saw, at around three years old. I could write a whole post on this movie (wait! don’t go!). We taped it off TV and I can’t even count how many times I watched it. I can tell you that I would only answer to the name Dorothy for roughly two years of my life, though. Not only the best musical of all time but the best movie, period. And if you don’t agree with me, that’s OK. As long as you know you’re wrong. And probably a little bit stupid. But, seriously, that’s totally OK. *With the thoughts you’d be thinkin’, You could be another Lincoln,  If you only had a brain…

2. Sound of Music: I would watch this with my mom when it played on TV once a year or so. I so wanted to be a Von Trapp so I could live in a mansion, have a special whistle when it was time for inspection and wear matching drape outfits with my siblings. Also, I thought the marionette set was one of the coolest things ever. God, though,what an assface Rolph was. *Small and white, clean and bright…

3. Labyrinth: Oh how I LOVED this movie when I was a kid, maybe 7-9 years old. Though we owned the worlds biggest VHS player (that thing must’ve weighed 40 pounds and lasted from 1981-2003) my parents almost never bought us movies. My cousins had a copy though and I would request to go over to their house just so I could watch that movie. The orange guys freaked me out but I can’t even begin to praise the awesome of a teen-age Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie’s wiener hugging leggings. And The Bog of Eternal Stench? Genius. *You remind me of the babe…

4. Annie: OK what little girl sees this movie and doesn’t fantasize about living in an orphanage with all her best friends and a dog? Just me? You are lying. This was another one taped off of TV (I’m beginning to think my parents spent all our money on the colossal VHS player and had no money left over to actually buy movies for it). At some point I bought the soundtrack for this and made the mistake of introducing Rowan to it. For seven months (SEVEN LOOOOONG MONTHS) this was the only acceptable music ever to be played in the house or the car. It has recently been kicked out of the number 1 spot by Mama Mia. * If I wring Little necks, surely I will get an acquittal…

5. Mary Poppins: Listen, what’s not to love about Julie Andrews? She has a gorgeous face with a voice to match and if you can withhold the urge to punch her Practically Perfect In Every Way-ness you have to admit she is awesome. Mary Poppins is one of those movies that I appreciate even more now that I’m an old lady. This broad had men wrapped around her finger, could get little brats to do her bidding, drank rum punch, knew really long words and could fly anywhere with an umbrella. She is made of magic. Also, watching Dick Van Dyke knowing how shit-faced he was during filming is really pretty fun. Plus I’m a sucker for cockney English accents and guys that can play those multi-instrument playing machine thingys. *(I know this is not from the original, per say, but it gets stuck in my head every time.) Lisa: If Maggie’s fussy, don’t avoid her Bart: Let me get away with moider Lisa: Teach us songs and magic tricks Homer: Might I add- no fat chicks…

6. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: I didn’t see this movie until I was 11 or 12 and I was more than a little disturbed by Gene Wilder’s creepiness but in a good kind of way. My favorite character was Violet. I wanted to beat the shit out of her and that endeared her to me for some reason. *I want the world, I want the whole world…

7) Cry-Baby: So one of the worst movies ever made ever in the history of cinema. I tried watching it again, with Bill a couple of years ago and after blushing profusely for 25 minutes and seeing the look of absolute horrifying disgust on his face I turned it off. But oh god how I so inappropriately loved Johnny Depp and this movie when I was twelve. * Let people talk I don’t care, Let me prove to you daddy that I ain’t no Square…

8. Grease: I got into this around the same time as my Cry-Baby stage but I just couldn’t get on board with John Travolta when Johnny Depp was so superior in every way.(See what a smart 12 year old I was?) I did love some of the songs though and my inner bitch identified with Rizzo’s tomboyishly cool, I-don’t-give-an-eff-about-you-or-your-motha persona. *Tell me more, Tell me more, did she put up a fight…

9. Singin’ in the Rain: Easily in my top 5 favorite movies of all time. I saw it for the first time as a teenager and it was love at first watch. I put Bill through the Singin’ in the Rain test (Test: make boyfriend watch Singin’ in the Rain. If he likes it, marry his ass, if he doesn’t, dump his ass) which clearly he passed with flying colors. We went through a period of months where we would buy a jug (yep, a jug, baby) of Carlo Rossi White Zinfandel and drink it all whilst being wowed by Gene Kelly’s feet. Those are some of my happiest memories of our pre-married life. *Come on with the rain, I’ve a smile on my face…

10. Moulin Rouge: I know a lot of people did not get this movie or just thought it plain sucked but it is honestly the very best of all that I love about the musical genre. We went to this movie not even knowing what it was about and holy crap I was just bowled over with love and admiration for this very grand, very spectacular film. Baz Luhrmann attacks your senses in a way no other can. The colors, costuming, story and songs were so blasted full of art and life and every aspect was vamped up to its top notch. Others may disagree but I really think of it as cinematic genius and the haters can go suck an egg, or piss up a rope or whathaveyou hater haterpants. *The greatest thing You’ll ever learn Is just to love and Be loved in return…

To sum up, you really have to eff up a musical for me not to love it so, uh, do what you will with that information.

Other notable mentions before I leave you for my butter stick: The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Across the Universe, Once, Chicago, Mama Mia and Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (but only for that really terribly awesome opening song).

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